Meaning
by Riku-Aura777
Summary: Zelos is suffering from depression and decides to end his life. But just because his suicide was stopped doesn't mean he's saved. Will he be saved completely?
1. The Blood

_Meaning_

This is my first fanfaction. Well, if you want to get technical, I have written another but that was just my friend and I being very random. So, this is the first thing I've _seriously_ written. Just because I'm stating that this is my first written work, I'm **not** going to ask people who review to go easy on me. If people think this story sucks, say so, but tell me why. If you're just going to say "Your story's crap, you suck as a writer." I'm not interested. If people compliment me, I would love that since I don't have much confidence in my skills. And, these are the people I will love the most: If people can give me advice on how to make this better and point out my errors, I'll really appreciate it. Please, just give me some sort of a reply.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia. But I wish I did.

* * *

Chapter 1- The Blood

Zelos Wilder woke up with a small cry. Panicked blue-gray eyes darted around the room as he gasped for air, attempting futilely to calm himself. He was sitting in his bed, having just been thrown out of his sleep by, yet again, another nightmare. Sure, he had them a lot in the past, but now, they seem to be a nightly ritual, occurring every time he fell asleep.

He looked out his bedroom window and his mouth formed into a bitter, empty smile.

Snow.

Goddess, how he hated the snow. It was the one thing that made so many emotions run wild though him. Anger, fear, anguish, and loathing, and not just of the snow but also towards himself. But, most of all, just raw pain. Pain that he wished someone could just take away.

Scoffing at the idea of that every happening, Zelos threw off the blankets that covered him and began to drag himself across his bedroom floor into his private bathroom. He sighed in annoyance as he tried to pull his long, tousled red hair from his sweat covered face.

Once he entered his bathroom and turned on the light, his narrowed in a miserable attempt to block out the light. Once his eyes adjusted, he clutched the sides of the sink and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He chuckled as he gazed at the sorry sight that was looking back at him.

The bags under his eyes could be noticed from about, Zelos believed, a mile away. His pants, which were the only thing he was wearing, were getting looser by the day from lack of eating. He wasn't starving himself, he just never felt hungry anymore. And his eyes. He still flinches slightly when he realizes that the shine in them is gone, leaving these empty blue-gray orbs to stare back at him now. And there was only one thing that Zelos could blame for this: the snow.

* * *

It had been six months since Zelos returned from the Journey of Regeneration, or the journey to reunite the two worlds, or whatever the hell people ended up calling it, and he hadn't heard from anybody he traveled with.

Granted, he did know that everybody had things they wished to accomplish, but couldn't help but hope that one of them would stop by Meltokio. They were his friends and he trusted each of them. They even retained their trust in him after Zelos betrayed them, but whether or not they trusted him as much as they had, Zelos wasn't sure. He just hoped they did.

After a while, Zelos began to go through life normally again. He flirted with every cute girl he saw, though it was different now. The girls of Meltokio, not all, but a decent amount, stopped flocking to him. The ones that stopped this practice only stopped because they would have to be around Zelos Wilder, not the Chosen of Tethe'alla like they wished. The few fans that he did have only remained because they thought they'd be popular around Meltokio, even if the person that they devoted their time to was only the _former _Chosen One.

Most of the women that Zelos flirted with or made subtle perverted remarks to either found him obnoxious or downright disgusting. He wasn't too bothered by that fact. He'd been acting like that for too long, the flirtatious idiot, to suddenly stop. And after each day, his fangirl total dropped, not that he cared. If they were only going to be around him to enjoy the perks of his status, or rather, his former status, they should just stay away from him.

And that's why he missed Lloyd, Colette, Genis, Raine, Presea, Regal, and Sheena, the people who liked him as Zelos Wilder the person, not Zelos Wilder the ex-Chosen of Tethe'alla. Out of the seven of them, he especially missed Sheena or, as he liked to call her because it pissed her off, his voluptuous hunny. He missed her the most because not only had they known each other for years, she was the one Zelos had expected to see out of everybody else. Mizuho was fairly close to Meltokio and Sheena did have to, occasionally, stop by.

But no. No one has come. And, though the feeling wasn't too great, Zelos was beginning to not even care about that either. However, there was a reason for Zelos's new found apathetic behavior.

One month ago, the snow started. Which was strange because Meltokio wasn't known for snow. Actually, it hardly ever snowed, so when it first began to, everyone ran out from their houses and shops to enjoy the extremely rare opportunity. Even the king himself left the castle to see the white flakes fall from the sky.

But on that day, Zelos just stayed inside his mansion, tense, fidgety, and nervous. He figured the storm would last no more than a day. How wrong he was.

Day after day, the amount varying, it would snow. And no more than a week after it started, Zelos was plunged into depression, haunted by the very memory that the snow reminds him of.

First off, his depression seem to make his appetite wither away. He now only eats about a meal a day. Sometimes, he'll manage two, but the contents of that meal usually ended up in the toilet.

Secondly, he figured that the reason that his once lively eyes dulled was from lack of feeling happy or just from lack of feeling anything besides hopeless. Sometimes, there would be a day where the sun would return, along with, Zelos noted, some of the spark that had vanished from his eyes, and no snow would fall from the sky. But, just his luck, the snow would come back with its strength increased tenfold. Then Zelos would sink deeper into the darkness of his depression. The cold, unrelenting darkness, that, to him, seem just like the snow.

Lastly, the snow brought back the nightmares that used to happen about once every other week. Now, they played in his mind nightly. The blood. The blood that flowed out of his mother's body…

* * *

Zelos punched the wall next to the mirror out of anger, the image of his deceased mother was the only thing he saw. All the blood, he could still see it, the blood mixed with the snow. He could still smell it, and it still caused bile to rise in the back of his throat. No matter how many people and monsters he had slain, he would never get used to the smell.

But the one thing of the memory that truly haunts him. The sound of his mother's voice, though it was the last thing she said before dying, she still said it in a strong voice, a cruel, evil voice. No ounce of regret for what she said with her dying breathe.

"_You should never have been born."_

He was haunted by that voice, way before the endless snow made its way to Meltokio. He didn't want to hear it now, so he just thought about the first thing that came to mind. It was a question and to disrupt the stifling silence, he asked it aloud, "Where's Sebastian?"

His servant, to Zelos he was more like a father since he cared about him more than either of his birth parents ever did, may be getting older, but he still had excellent hearing and should have been able to hear Zelos punch a wall.

_Oh, wait a minute, _Zelos thought to himself. _He told me he was going to go visit someone. Was he in a different part of the city? Was he even in the city right now? I don't remember and I'm just amazed he bothered to tell me._

Since Zelos had become more closed off, he hadn't been talking much. Sebastian still talked to him, but conversations were usually one-sided, with Zelos only nodding or, not often, saying a couple of short sentences.

"So," He said out loud, "I'm alone. Well, more alone."

_"You should never have been born."_

His mother's words echoed throughout him, shattering the remnants of his soul even more. He understood that his life was meaningless. No one wanted him. No one _needed _him. He was worthless, but his mother's words always reminded him of that. Ever since the day she died, he knew that there was no point in him being alive.

"**I** was meant to die that day!" He yelled to the mirror, his eyes showing more emotion then they had in a long time. "Seles's mother wanted to kill me! So, if I never should've been born, why did you save me?!" His voice was breaking and he could feel the tears forming in his eyes.

Why should he cry? He didn't deserve to. He was the reason his mother was dead. He was the reason Seles's mother had been executed. And he was the reason that Seles had ended up in that abbey. Most importantly, he betrayed the people that trusted him. Even though they forgave him, he wasn't worthy of their trust and companionship. He wasn't worth it. What right did he have to cry when he ruined so many lives? What right did he have to _live_?

He didn't know the answer to that. To him, there was no answer. There was no point in him be alive. He would just cause misery to those he was around. He was amazed Sebastian was still around, especially after this month, when Zelos barely acknowledged him and spoke. It pained Sebastian to his "Master", who was more like a son to him, this tormented, and Zelos realized that.

"Sebastian's just another life I've ruined. Soon, he'll just be gone too, and I'll really be all alone." Zelos sighed and looked down at his left arm. Since he usually wore long gloves, no one notices. He used his index finger on his right hand to feel the scars that marred his skin. The cuts that had healed over that he made himself. He felt the scabbed skin over the cuts and considered scratching it off so they would bleed anew.

"I'm pretty pathetic, huh?" He asked his reflection. He had three scars on his arms, each side by side, about three inches long. The amount of scars for the amount of lives that he had ruined. Now that he thought about everyone else he had hurt, he should add eight more cuts to his arm. This was his meager attempt at repentance. Though to him, it seemed like a pointless gesture. He thought that if he hurt himself, it could make up for everyone else he had hurt in his life.

_But… two people died because of me. Seven others _almost _died because of me. My sister ended up being forced away from her mother because of me. And Sebastian… probably will end up dead because of me._

"What the hell I'm a supposed to do?!" He yelled out of frustration. How could he stop himself from hurting? How could he stop himself from hurting _others_?

"_You should never have been born."_

Once again, the voice. This time hearing it brought a sickening smile onto his face. "I all ready knew that. But, maybe now I'll actually do something about it."

A few moments later, Zelos returned from his bedroom back into the bathroom, this time holding his sword. He faced the mirror and, for once that entire night, and probably for the first time in years… he felt completely calm and unburdened. Was it because…

"_You should never have been born."_

… He was going to make his mother happy?

"You'll all be happier this way. Sebastian won't have to worry about me anymore. Those guys won't have to deal with traitorous me. I won't be able to hurt anyone else. I won't screw anyone's life up anymore."

And so, bidding everyone a mental farewell, he lifted up the sword and slashed through the veins of his wrist. After that, time seemed to slow down. Though the blood was exiting Zelos's self-inflicted wound quickly, to Zelos, the blood seemed to be crawling out of the cut. It fell onto the white sink, making Zelos remember the scene of his mother's blood tainting the pure white snow.

Zelos didn't even notice when he collapsed onto the floor, or that his vision was blurry, all he could feel was a dull pain in his wrist as the blood flow was slowing down, meaning that the blood running through his veins was running out.

He was only faintly aware that he heard footsteps and the scream of a voice, though he couldn't place who it belonged to. His mind was too fuzzy.

"Zelos!!"

That was the last thing he heard as he closed his eyes and warmly welcomed the darkness that overcame him. However, the last voice he truly heard, though now it was a faint whisper, that, even in unconsciousness, he could still make out belonged to Mylene Wilder.

"_You never should have been born."_

* * *

I don't know where this idea came from. All of the sudden, the storyline just started going through my head, and it wouldn't leave me alone. Plus, I've been home sick for two days, so I had nothing better to do.

So, please review. Don't just flame me because you've got nothing better to do. It's a waste of both our time.

I just wish to say that Wikipedia helped me out since I haven't played T.o.S in over a year and I got the idea of the long gloves thing from Sylvia Viridan's fanfic _Undiscovered_, so technically, I don't own a little piece of what happens in this story. That's rather pathetic.

Oh well, anyway, your words, suggestions, and criticism are welcomed.


	2. Savior

Chapter two is up. Thanks to whoever read this and I appreciate the reviews and who put this story on their favorites and who added it to their alerts. It means so much to me, since I didn't think this would be that popular (which is kind of isn't, but I'll ignore that fact).

Enough of my pointless rambling(which I believe people don't even read). Let's get on with the story!

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia, and I doubt I ever will.

* * *

Chapter 2- Savior

Sheena Fujibayashi looked up at the dark sky as she entered the city of Meltokio. It was snowing, which to her was a bizarre phenomenon. She had only seen snow in frigid town of Flanior, and she had only visited their about three times.

She was here because she had received word a couple of days ago that Lloyd would be visiting Mizuho. So, Sheena decided that she would wait around in Meltokio until he arrived, which was about four days from now.

_I wouldn't have come here if I knew it would be this cold!_

Sheena, dressed in her ninja attire, wasn't prepared for the plummeted temperatures. The entire city seemed empty and the inn looked closed.

"G-great." She mumbled to herself, her voice shaky as the cold started to get to her more. "Where am I supposed to go?"

Then, the idea suddenly hit her, though she wished she had an alternative. Zelos lives nearby, and he should have no problem letting her stay. But was dealing with his… behavior really worth it? It wasn't _that _cold out here.

Sighing, she reluctantly chose her only option and began the walk to the red-haired swordman's house. If her legs didn't feel frozen, she could finish the walk within a couple of minutes, the snow seemed to freeze her legs, and slowed her movements.

When the ninja was about, to her estimation, about half way there, she saw three girls huddled together in thick jackets, hats, gloves, scarves, all the clothing required to go out in the cold.

_How long has it been snowing here? Everyone seems like this weather is normal._

"… Have you even seen him around anymore?" Sheena heard one of the girls say.

"No." Another whined, "and I really wanted to go on a date with him."

"He's rejected you two times, remember?"

"But he'll say yes!" The whiny girl exclaimed.

Sheena sighed. Did they have nothing better to talk about than some guy?

"… Why will he say yes?" One of them asked.

"Because the Chosen likes me and I can tell."

Sheena heard the mention of Zelos and, surprising herself, scowled when she heard him refered to as the Chosen, even though it had been six months since their journey ended. He's a person and the people of this city still refer to him as the "Chosen".

"If the Chosen liked you, wouldn't you see him around the city? I haven't seen him in more than a week."

"Maybe he's sick. I bet the Chosen would like it if-."

"Zelos." Sheena said out loud, just with enough volume to make the girls stop talking.

"What?" spoke the whiny one.

"His name. It's Zelos, not 'Chosen'. And, you should know that by now." Sheena could feel her face getting hotter, for once thankful to the snow. She could hardly believe that she was defending the idiotic, womanizing Zelos.

"Doesn't matter what his name is." The one that did the most talking in that conversation replied harshly. "He doesn't even show his face around here anymore."

"Why not?" Sheena asked, surprised at Zelos. He always surrounded himself with people, especially women. After knowing him for quite a few years, this sounded strange. Something must be wrong with him.

"Don't know. And when he does come outside, he seems kind of dazed. If you talk to him, you most likely have to repeat things."

_What is wrong with him? Don't tell me his imagination is distracting him or something._

"Why do you care about him anyway?"

"I'm a… friend of his." She wasn't exactly sure what she was to Zelos. She hadn't seen him in a while, but they were old friends, right?

The three girls giggled and walked away, leaving Sheena alone, thinking about everything that was said. Zelos isolating himself? Couldn't be. He must just be sick or something.

If he was sick and she went over to his mansion, she could hear his voice now: _"My hunny was worried about me? Well, I now one way you could make me feel better…"_

She grimaced at that thought, now _really _dreading to go to Zelos for a place to stay. However, she noticed that the snow began to come down harder, so her choice was made for her.

After no more distractions, Sheena was banging on the door of Zelos's house about five minutes later. She could see no lights on within the mansion, which surprised her because she knew it wasn't that late.

_Are Zelos _and _Sebastian sick? Wasn't isn't anyone answering the door?!_

"It's too damn cold to be out here. That's it, I'm climbing through the window." She said. "Or," She began, remembering, "There's a balcony on the other side of the house. And, of course, it leads to Zelos's room. Great." Her voice was thick with sarcasm as she said the last word, grimacing.

Walking around the house, she looked up at the balcony and saw, what appeared to be, a body walking past it. Must have been Zelos.

She noticed a tree inches from the balcony, so it would make it very easy to enter from the outside, like Sheena was now doing.

_This must have helped him enter his room when he came back from his late night 'activities', just like he knows his way through the sewer system to enter the city at night._

Rolling her eyes, she climbed the tree with ease and noticed that all of the lights were off, making her suspect that he and Sebastian weren't even home.

_Has something happened to Zelos since the last time I saw him?_

Pushing away the thought, she pushed opened the door and silently and looked around. Unopened presents were scattered across his floor and their was no sign of the owner of these gifts. But the only thing Sheena noticed was the stench of fresh blood.

"Zelos?" She said hesitantly. This situation was, though she wouldn't admit it, starting to scare her. What was going on?

Her attention was then directed to a closed door, when she heard the faint thud of, she believed, a body hitting the floor. Her eyes widened as she heard that and her body walked quickly to the door. She hastily opened the door and let out a sharp gasp.

"Zelos!!" Sheena screamed. The sight of what was in that bathroom made her feel in total shock. Her body seemed on autopilot, rushing over to Zelos, Zelos who was laying in a pool of his own blood, the blood flowing out of a wound that was self-inflicted.

She checked for a pulse on his right wrist, her eyes not moving from the cut to his left wrist. He was still alive, but if he didn't get help soon…

"No! I'm not going to let him die! Wake up Zelos!" She yelled, blinking back tears she didn't want to release. She was panicking, which wouldn't help the situation. He would die if she didn't calm down.

Zelos mumbled something that Sheena couldn't make out, but that, along with his shallow breathing, was the only proof that he was still alive. He needed help fast, but she just couldn't leave him while he was bleeding out.

Using the first thing that popped into her mind, she removed the tie that kept her hair pulled back, allowing her hair to fall freely down her shoulders. She tied the ribbon around his cut, barely managing to cut of the blood flow.

_I think he'll be okay for the moment. But, I need to get help for him fast. _

She looked at him for one more moment before running out of his house into the brisk outdoors, with the sight of Zelos refusing to leave her mind.

* * *

Ten minutes after Sheena discovered Zelos and ran from his house, she was back inside once again, sitting outside of his room. She managed to find two healers and rushed them back to the mansion, where they found that the ribbon used to wrap the cut only slightly stopped the bleeding, but she was told that if she didn't do that single action, then Zelos would have died.

The healers managed to close the wound and put some mana into him, but he would probably feel weak for a couple of days. Sheena agreed to stay with him, to make sure he was okay and that he wouldn't attempt anything like that again.

She walked into his room and looked down at the sleeping man. She could tell that he had lost weight and he was paler than normal, and it wasn't just from the blood loss. He was unconscious, and, according to the healers, wouldn't awaken till the morning. Then, that's when the conversations would start, but there was only one question Sheena had on her mind: Why did you want to take your own life?

"What made you want to kill yourself, Zelos? Will you even tell me? And, will you try again? If you do, I may not be around to save you next time." She whispered, running her fingers through the messy red hair.

The only thing she heard in response was a tiny, distressed noise that was issued from his throat. His clenched his eyes as he continued to be tormented by dreams, dreams that wouldn't leave him alone, even when he was in the welcoming darkness of unconsciousness.

* * *

And, that's it for this chapter. I don't really like it, I thought it was boring, but I couldn't think of anyway to make it better. I just hope it didn't turn people away from reading it. The next chapter will be more interesting, I'll make sure of it.

Please review, or criticize, just make sure you listen to what I told you in the previous chapter: No pointless flaming! Thank you.

**Look Here! **I have one thing to ask of the people who read. Would you like this to be a Zelos x Sheena friendship pairing, or a Zelos x Sheena romantic pairing? I'm not sure yet about what I intend to make it, but if you want to voice your opinion, put what you think in a review. It'll help me make a decision.


	3. Non Existent

I'm here once again with chapter three. Once more, thank you to those who have read, reviewed, and added this story to their favorite/alert list. Special thanks to those who gave their opinions on how I should have the pairings. I'm still not sure, plus, if anyone wants, I have another question for people who will, hopefully, review.

Enjoy this chapter, I believe it's shorter than the rest, but hopefully people like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia

* * *

Chapter 3- Non Existent

Zelos slightly opened his eyes, hating the light that shone into his bedroom from the window. At least, there was no snow falling from the sky. That fact, more than seeing the sun, helped him feel the tiniest bit better. As he fully opened his eyes, he became aware of the pain radiating from his left wrist.

Suddenly, the events of last night flew back into his mind, well, most of it. His mind felt somewhat… fuzzy?

_Feels more like someone hit me in the back of the rock with a boulder or something._

He let out a sigh, pulling himself into a sitting position. He was confused by the fact that he was still here, still in his room, and, most amazingly, still alive. He thought that he made the cut fatal. So, why the hell was he still here?

Sensing that he wasn't alone, he was taken aback by seeing a familiar ninja sleeping in a chair, her head using the opposite end of his bed as a pillow.

"Sheena?" He asked, his voice full of disbelief. The girl slightly groaned, her eyes slowing opening. He tried to resist the smirk playing around his lips, but he failed. "You know," He began when her eyes finally focused on him, "The pretty girl in my room should be _in _the bed _with _me, not laying on the bed away from me."

She stared at him for a few moments, before his words had sunk in. She let out a short, angry breathe and stood up glaring.

"Why did you do it?! What reason made you want to do that?!" She wasn't sure if taking the harsh, direct approach was the right way to do this, but if he was going to act like nothing at all happened, when only a little while ago she found him near death, she couldn't react calmly.

"What are you talking about, my darling?" Zelos said, grinning.

She frowned and grabbed his left hand, twisting it so he could see the bandage wrapped around it. Zelos dropped his fake persona and averted his eyes away from Sheena's. He couldn't look at the anger, fear, and confusion those brown eyes held right now.

"_This _is what I'm talking about."

"And what about it?" Zelos asked in empty voice, sounding as if he didn't even care that could have died.

_Of course he doesn't care_, Sheena thought darkly, _He did this to himself. If he cared that he would've died, he wouldn't have done this to himself._

"W-why did you want to…" Sheena was unnerved to hear him regard her questions so coldly. She couldn't bring herself to ask why he wanted to die.

"Why did I want to die?" Zelos asked, almost as if he could tell what she was thinking. Maybe what was going through her mind was just obvious to pick up. "Why do you care Sheena?"

"Why wouldn't I care Zelos? You're my friend."

Upon hearing that, a smiled crawled onto his face, one that could easily be described with a single word: fake. "My friend, huh? So, why did you find me? I'm going to guess that it _was _you that found me, right?" Zelos earned a nod from Sheena, then continued, "Why did you decide to stop by? Was it really to visit me?"

_Damn, what do I say now? It wasn't my intention to visit him, it just sort of happened. I guess I could say yes._

"Of course. I haven't seen you for so long, I thought you might like to see, too."

An unbelieving laughed escaped from Zelos. "Look at me and say that Sheena. You looked at the ground when you talked."

She looked up at him, barely able to conceal the shock she felt when she stared into his eyes. They looked full of pain, sadness, and it tore her heart apart to look directly into them. What happened to him?

"Are you going to say it? How about you just admit you weren't interested in seeing me."

"Fine. If you want my honesty, you'll get it. I came here to wait around for Lloyd, who's going to be visiting my village in a few days. It was snowing, and I wanted a place to stay."

He merely nodded, but his eyes betrayed what he tried not to show. Sheena observed that though he tried to look like he was unaffected, the reason that she suddenly gave hurt him. She wished she could take back what she had said, or maybe change parts of it.

"I see." Was his reply, his voice sounded defeated.

"You wanted to know."

"I know."

"Now will you answer my question?" Her voice was calm. Maybe that would help talk to her more, if she didn't feel like she was angered by him, even though she was.

"You still haven't told me why you care." Zelos voice, too, was calm, but it was an eerie sort of calmness that made Sheena shudder.

"Because you're my friend." Sheena repeated. "I don't know what it'll take to prove it to you," she paused for a second, expecting some sort of perverted response. But since he gave no sort of remark, she continued, "I want to prove to you that I care. I'm still here, I stayed with you through the night, and I saved you from bleeding to death. Doesn't that prove something?" To herself, she sounded desperate. That just had to be enough, right? Those were her true intentions, even if Zelos seemed skeptical of them.

He looked out of the window and sighed. Sheena looked down at her feet, waiting as patiently as she could. What would his answer be? Hopefully, a good one. Sheena wanted to help him, she could tell that Zelos _needed_ the help, but he had to allow her to help him.

"Sheena, if you truly cared about me…" She looked up and was greeted by a broken smile in place on his face, his eyes unreadable for the moment, "Then why did you save me?"

Sheena gasped, feeling as though the air had been forced from her lungs. She knew Zelos was in bad shape, but to actually hear him confess that he really just wanted to die, it was a lot to handle, even after everything that had happened in their lives. Why now? Why did he want to kill himself now?

She swallowed before she answered him, her voice weaker than it wanted to be. "Because nothing good would come from your death."

"Yeah, right." Zelos replied chuckling. Sheena clenched her jaw and, though she didn't mean to, the frustration was getting to her, slapped him across the face.

"What are you talking about?!" She yelled, watching Zelos nurse his sore cheek. "Do you truly think people would be rejoicing your death?!"

"What point would they have in being sad over it?" he challenged.

"Many people would be sad if you died, Zelos. Sebastian, Seles, and everyone we traveled with: Lloyd, Colette, Raine, Genis, Regal, Presea… and me, Zelos. That's why I'm here. That's why I'm trying to help you. I don't want you to die. No one does."

_Well, I knew someone who didn't want me to be born. Can you truly say no one wants me dead, Sheena? _Zelos thought bitterly. He couldn't think of anything to say. Was Sheena serious? Did all of those people truly care about him that much?

"Now, I want you to answer me. What's happened to you Zelos Wilder? Please, tell me. Where did the Zelos go that joked around, that flirted with every girl he laid eyes on, the one that believed he was the "Great Zelos"? Where's the one that wanted to be known for _who _he was and not _what_? Where's the Zelos that was happy?" She looked at him, her eyes wanting to know what she could do to help her helpless friend.

It was a few minutes before Zelos would answer. But, it was a short answer, but one that wouldn't leave Sheena's mind for a very long time.

"That person never existed, Sheena."

* * *

And that's the end of chapter 3. Please review or point out any errors that I should fix.

**For the next question:** I'm thinking about bringing Lloyd into the story soon (I think that I **am **going to bring him in) but I'd like to know if you want him around for the majority of the story or only for a couple of chapters (I don't intend on making this Zelos x Lloyd, so please, don't ask me to. I have nothing against yaoi, personally, that's the majority of what I read, but I didn't imagine this as a yaoi story). Just tell me what you think.

That's it for now.


	4. Normalcy

Thanks to all who have read, reviewed, and added this story to their favorite/alert lists (I think I said the exact thing last chapter…). You give me the motivation to continue this, and I hope you all will still enjoy.

Disclaimer: Tales of Symphonia doesn't belong to me.

* * *

Chapter 4- Normalcy

Sheena folded her arms as she paced around Zelos' room, waiting for him to exit from his shower. She went over the previous conversation she shared with him, mostly the questions she demanded to know, and the answers that she received.

_"That person never existed, Sheena."_

That response caused her to cringe. She could still remember his melancholy voice, giving her that answer. What could she do now? Continue to pry and order him to tell her what's wrong with him?

_He'd most likely just avoid the question, like he did that entire time._

Exasperated, she sighed. He needed to talk. Though they didn't hold her attention for long, Sheena noticed the three other cuts that were healing over on his arm when she found him last night. That's why he needs to talk, if not to her, than to someone else. If he didn't, he'd just release all of his emotions in self-destructive ways, like he had been doing.

Noticing that their was no noise coming from the shower, she knocked on the door, waiting with a held breathe for him to answer.

"Yeah?"

Releasing the breathe, she replied, "Nothing."

In her mind's eye, she could just see him rolling his eyes in irritation. That caused her to chuckle slightly, until she heard something on the other side of the door. Almost like he was rummaging through something.

"Zelos. I went through everything in your bathroom. The only thing in their sharp enough to cut you is your mirror, which if you break, I'll hear you."

She heard him mutter something, most likely a curse, then everything was silent where he was. Sheena looked down at the floor, her eyes filled with an emotion that was a cross between sadness and anger.

Though she was there with him, no more than three feet from him, with just a thin door separating them from one another, he still wished to free his pain in that unhealthy manner.

"So…" Zelos said, snapping Sheena out of her realization. "If I break this mirror, you'll walk in on me? Hmm… should I do it?"

Sheena grimaced when she became aware of where he was going with that. She could just see his forced grin, trying to slip back into his fake personality. Well, was it really fake? That's about the only way she knew him. So could she really call it false?

"Zelos, not matter how much you wish it, I'm never going to see you naked. And, since I know you wish this even more, you're never going to see me naked _again._" That last word left Sheena's mouth was filled with vehemence.

"Hey, I told you, that never happened!"

"Well, whatever. I'm still not coming in, even if you do break that mirror."

"You… won't? So that means that I can bre-."

Knowing how he was going to finish, Sheena interrupted, "No Zelos! I was joking with you! I'm not going to let you try to…" She trailed off, knowing perfectly well that, if she couldn't bear to finish a sentence like that, Zelos would do it for her.

"Try to cut myself again." He simply stated, knowing all too well that that's what she would've said.

"Right."

It was a tense silence after that. That's what would usually happen when they spoke to one another. One of them would say something that would create a roadblock and neither of them knew how to get past it.

_Or he just says something slightly morbid and I don't know how reply after it._

"Why is my floor more interesting to stare at than me?"

Sheena blinked, then looked up to see Zelos standing next to her, also staring at the ground. There was an unknown emotion on his face.

"I don't know." Sheena said, remembering the question he just proposed. "Maybe it's because the floor isn't confusing."

"Don't like a mystery, Sheena?"

"I've never been good at solving them. But…" She walked into front of him and stared at his dead eyes, unflinchingly, "I'm determined to solve this one. I _want _to help you Zelos, whether you believe me or not, it doesn't matter. That's what I want to do."

"Oh, you were talking about me?" Zelos said, his eyes widening in fake surprise.

"No, I wasn't talking about you. I'm talking about the _other _Zelos I just happen to know that also confuses the hell out of me." Sheena replied, smirking.

Zelos laughed. Sheena could tell it was still slightly strained, but it didn't sound very hollow, like his smiles were. This made her smile a little. "I'll have to meet this guy, who amazingly shares my name. Don't need someone competing against me for your affection, do I, my demonic banshee?"

She let his little nickname forherslide for the moment, her expression going serious once again. "Let me see your arms."

"Aww, and this was just starting to get fun, too."

"I didn't know this was your type of fun."

"Actually, you caught me, it isn't. But, I can show my idea of fun right now. No one's home, right? Come on, you know you want to."

She rolled her eyes, not replying to that, but her patience was wearing thin. By now, she would have hit him about five times and yelled at him, but figured that wouldn't help.

"Seriously, Zelos, let me see your arm."

Sighing, he obeyed, stretching out his arms so she could look at them, even rotating them without her having to ask.

_At least he's listening to me. Maybe he won't try it again. Who am I kidding! I heard him trying to look for something to do it with!_

"Are you done?" He asked.

"Y-yeah."

"Where are my gloves?" He asked.

"I have them." She answered, unable to stop herself from saying it in a mischievous tone.

"Why can't I have them?"

She sighed, "Do you really have to ask, Zelos? It's so I can constantly look at your arms."

"Whatever." He replied, his voice devoid of any emotion.

That clenched at her heart, hearing him like that, after seeing him act fairly normal only five minutes ago. But, she wouldn't back down.

"You can have them back."

"Really?" It was almost pitiful to see that this could make him seem almost happy.

She sighed, "Yes. But, it'll be when I think I don't have to hide them from you anymore."

"I knew there'd be a catch."

"That's not impossible to deal with Zelos. Now, come on."

"What are we doing now?"

"We're going to go eat. I haven't eaten since early yesterday. Which, I've been meaning to ask you this: When was the last time you ate, Zelos?"

"Probably, when you did. You can go help yourself to whatever you want, I'm not hungry."

Sheena sighed in frustration. Grabbing his wrist, the uninjured one, and began pulling him out of his room.

"See what I can do, Zelos? I can drag you. I couldn't do that before, which means you don't weigh as much as you did."

"Or that you've gotten stronger." He suggested quietly.

"You and I both know that isn't true. I'm still the same as I was six months ago. Now, follow me." She commanded, letting go of him. "I'm not going to allow to suffer from misery-induced starvation anymore."

"How could you tell?"

"I'm not blind, Zelos. I can see that you've gotten skinnier."

He sighed, not arguing back. Or, maybe he was just silently admitting that she was right, Sheena couldn't tell.

Zelos yawned, making her turn her attention to him. He had horrible dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't had a decent night's sleep in weeks, which probably was the case.

"Tired?" She was foolish enough to ask.

"Yeah, I haven't slept good in a long time."

"Why is that?" She ventured to ask, hoping he would open up to her slightly.

He shrugged, not telling her what she wanted to know. When it seemed like he would open up, Zelos would just ignore her completely. It was frustrating, but she remained calm.

"Okay, don't tell me, it's fine." Zelos looked at her with genuine surprise. He truly expected her to pry, so he was shocked by her deciding to end the subject abruptly.

"Why did you…"

"Oh, would you rather answer my question?" She asked, smiling.

"N-no!" He replied quickly.

"I thought so. Now that we're in your kitchen, which I forgot was so huge, sit down."

He listened silently, awaiting a meal that he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep down.

Minutes later, Sheena sat down next to Zelos, putting a plate down in front of him which only held a sandwich. He looked over at her and watched as she started to eat hers. Sheena saw him eying her, so she swallowed and looked at him.

"Something wrong?" She asked with concern.

"No. I'm just amazed that you only made a sandwich."

"Why? You want something more to eat?" He shook his head quickly. "I didn't think so. I'm notgoing to force some five course meal down your throat, Zelos. You'll just end up getting sick. Please, but honest with me here, how many times a day do you eat?"

He hesitated, so Sheena thought he wouldn't answer, but he spoke in a soft, almost remorseful sounding voice, "One. Occasionally, two, but then… I most often get sick." His voice sounded rushed at the end.

"That's why I'm not making you eat much. But, you are going to eat something else again today. It's not quite noon yet, so I'll make you eat at about nightfall, okay?" He nodded.

_Finally, he and I are agreeing on something!Maybe now I can startbringing some morenormalcy back to his life._

"This is… good, Sheena." Zelos complimented after swallowing.

"It's just a sandwich. Doesn't take much skill."

"Yeah, but all the food I've had lately hashad no taste to me."

She smiled at him. "Thanks Zelos. Remember that time when you cooked for me?"

For a moment, Sheena thought he was about to smile, but something held it back. "Yeah, I do. You told me that I had no cooking talent or something."

Now she regretted those harsh words. "Yeah, something like that." She agreed, half smiling. "I remember those days so well, don't you? You seemed… happy back then."

He chuckled. "I thought you said you weren't blind, Sheena."

She remained quiet, taking in what he had just said. So, he was in pain that long ago, too? How long had he been suffering in silence? How could no one of noticed this?

"I guess I was, back then." She replied quietly. Seconds later, she said in a confident voice, "But, I'm not anymore."

Zelos just looked at her for what seemed like an eternity, then shrugged and continued to eat, the rest of the meal fell under the tense silence the two of them were so accustomed to.

* * *

Chapter 4 ends here. I'm planning on editing these more thoroughly, so my updates may not be as fast as they were with the first three chapters.

I have no questions to ask of whoever reads this story, but, feel free to offer your suggestions, opinions, etc. with a review. Or just say what you think about the story so far.


	5. Nightmare

Thanks to all of the people who have read this story, and who will continue to read this story. You've made this author very happy.

Disclaimer: Tales of Symphonia is not mine.

* * *

Chapter 5- Nightmare

The rest of the day was uneventful and went by painfully slow for Zelos. He and Sheena didn't exchange many words after that one meal, except for every time he exited the bathroom and she wanted to check his arms and when he had to force down another sandwich. And even then, the only words said was 'I hope you don't throw that back up, Zelos,'.

Said man sighed. It was after midnight, at least, that was his guess, since he was too lazy to check the official time. His stomach seemed to be listening to Sheena, even though he felt nauseous. Speaking of his beloved banshee, where was she?

"It's freezing outside." There she was, right on cue. Looking over to the entrance of his room, Sheena was standing next to the doorway, shivering.

"Why were you outside?" He asked, sitting up on his bed.

"I couldn't sleep, so I stepped outside for a few minutes."

"You trusted me to be all alone? I'm honored, so allow me to help you. I have the perfect idea on how to warm you up, too."

He did it again. He slipped back into his mask, something that he felt more like he was suffocating behind. It wasn't intentional, the remarks, the dirty ideas, they just sort of… happen, and it frustrates the former chosen to no end.

"You were asleep, so I figured I could leave you alone for five minutes."

"I… was asleep?"

"Yep, out like a light." She replied, smiling slightly.

He watched her sink onto his floor, attempting to make herself comfortable. After getting tired of watching her fail to do so, he sighed.

"Sheena, you could sleep in my bed, you know. I wouldn't do anything." He felt himself want to continue that sentence, but he bit his tongue, with too much needed force, causing the sickening, metallic taste of blood to fill his mouth.

"No thanks. I'm fine down here. And don't even suggest that I sleep in a different room that has a bed. I'm staying with you tonight."

He mentally cursed. Was he that damn predictable? Sighing in defeat, he muttered a, "Whatever," before curling up on his side, his back facing Sheena, as he looked out the window, watching the white flakes begin to fall once more from the sky.

_Of course. And, for once, it seemed like this day was going to end greatly, too. I even fell asleep without dreaming!_

Zelos always considered himself unlucky, so, of course it _had _to snow, even though he enjoyed himself a couple of times during the day with Sheena, either arguing or reminiscing. It almost made him feel… wanted, like he was still needed.

"_You should never have been born."_

There it was, the voice of his mother coming to greet him and take him away from any happy thought that just happened to appear his mind.

It was foolish for him to wish anything happy for himself, when that voice cause make any relatively joyful thought to vanish. He considered himself a masochist for trying to be positive, but maybe his inner optimist couldn't help it. He was desperate to hold on to some kind of hope, even if it could be considered false.

He sat up again and ran his hand through his tangled hair, trying to calm his scattered thoughts. The only sound that could be heard in the room was Sheena's soft, but noticeable, snoring. Zelos chuckled to himself before laying down once more, hoping that a _peaceful _sleep would greet him, and praying that the voice wouldn't take him away from that, too.

* * *

Darkness. The only thing that could be seen was an empty, obsidian colored area. No light, no escape, wherever this was, there was nothing besides what could be seen.

Zelos wasn't surprised that he suddenly found himself here, in this hellish land, where his nightmares tortured him mercilessly. He stood still, waiting for something to happen, trying to mentally brace himself for what _would _happen, though he was unsure of what it would be.

He could find no solace here, in this place created by his subconscious, no peace, while fragments of his memories would break him, and have him beg for any way to make them stop.

"It's all your fault."

Zelos jumped at the sound of the cruel, whispered voice, unable to think of the person that the voice belonged to. He started to shiver, the area of darkness he was trapped in began to grow cold.

"It's all your fault." The voice repeated.

"What is?" Zelos called out to the void he was stuck in, forcing his eyes to try and see who he was calling to.

He jumped again, but this time, it was because the sound that broke the stretch of silence was the echo of… footsteps? It sounded almost like heels tapping against a tile floor, a sound that Zelos had heard at many high society parties.

Zelos turned his head, trying to find the source of this sound. When unsuccessful, he spun around, seeing if someone was coming up behind him.

The sound, almost ear piercing due to how desolate this realm was, seemed as though it was getting louder, and with every step closer this mystery person seemed to get, the closer Zelos was to being in an all out panic.

After inhaling deep, slow breathes, he called out again, "Hello?" He was able to detect the slight hysteria that found its way to his voice.

No reply, though that didn't surprise him. He wasn't expecting a answer this time, but didn't cease his movements as he searched for the owner of the footsteps that were coming dreadfully closer.

Suddenly, he was paralyzed, his eyes widened as his body went rigid. Fingers. Long, inhumanly cold fingers grabbed his arms. If he wasn't in a state of shock, he would've turned his head to see who the person that these dead feeling fingers belonged to. Goddess, at least let these fingers belong to a _human_, and not some monster his mind conjured up.

His body became racked with fear as he shook uncontrollably. Whoever this was began to breathe next to his ear, making the hair on the back of his neck stand up on end.

"It's all your fault. It's all your fault. Because of you… I'm dead."

His heart felt like it stopped, his lungs refused to obey him, his breathing irregular and he was certain he would start to hyperventilate.

The fingers released him from their grasp and he felt like falling to his knees in relief, but that feeling almost instantly changed to disbelief and fear.

The person who released him walked in front of him, allowing Zelos to discover the identity of the person who had just tormented him. Her hair was the same color as Zelos', her eyes, miserable and empty, resembled the ones that Zelos now owned. She wore a long, elegant, red dress, making her appear to many people a beautiful women.

But, she looked dead. Her skin was a ghostly pale, and what gave her away the most and proved she was no longer among the living was the hole she had in her chest, the wound she received from a magic attack, an attack that was meant to hit her son.

She casted a cold, deadly glare at her son, "This is all your fault. You're the reason I'm dead." She spat the words to harshly.

Zelos was only able to stare at his mother, unable to respond to the words she had thrown at him, words that resembled the similar ones that were repeated in his mind day after day after day.

"You should never have been born."

Something about witnessing his mother saying those words to his face once again made them hurt even more.

Unable to look at his mother anymore, and unable to resist the buckling in his legs, Zelos fell onto his hands and knees, gasping for air.

His mother made a disapproving clicking noise in the back of her throat, before kneeling down in front of him. She grabbed his chin, forcing their dead eyes to lock onto each other.

"You've caused so many people to suffer, my son. Do you see why you shouldn't of been born?" She asked in an almost maternal voice, almost like a mother merely scolding her child for doing something wrong. Though, Zelos supposed, he did do something wrong: He caused her premature death, simply because he was alive.

"_Many people would be sad if you died, Zelos."_

Sheena's words from earlier that day reverberated through his mind. Was Sheena really right? Was he mother actually wrong? He wanted to believe that… No, he would _try _to believe it.

"No." He said, causing a small look of shock to appear on his mother's dead face.

"You can't run from the truth, Zelos. You and I both know that you've caused so much pain to so many people. You can't take back what you've done."

_"I don't want you to die. No one does."_

There it was again; Sheena's voice. Zelos could feel it starting to give him some small amount of confidence to overpower the illusion of his mother.

"No!" He repeated with more strength.

His mother laughed for a few seconds before stroking the side of his face, "You can't fight the truth, it'll only hurt more. Just end your pain, Zelos. Then, you'll save every other person you've met from suffering the pain you'll bring them."

The vision of his mother began to fade, meaning he was being brought back to consciousness. He only heard one more thing before leaving the hell within his mind: "You should never have been born."

* * *

Zelos, finally brought out of his nightmare, sat up in his bed, gasping for air. His body was covered in a cold sweat, and tears he was currently unaware of poured out of his eyes.

His terrified eyes moved all around the room, allowing his hazy mind to realize he was safe in his room. His eyes eventually fell on Sheena, who looked startled.

"Z-Zelos." She said, recovering from the sudden shock she had from seeing Zelos awaken that suddenly. "Are you all right?"

He opened his mouth to respond, but the only thing that came out was a sob he tried to hold back. He hastily wiped the tears away from his eyes, his answer to her question a quick shake of his head.

As he tried to calm himself, he suddenly felt arms wrap around him, and at first he thought he mother had come back. But, that couldn't be. His mother was dead. It was Sheena who was holding him now, unable to think of any other form of comfort for her tortured friend.

She whispered words that at moment had no meaning to Zelos, mostly because he was still reeling from his nightmare. The only thing he could do was allow himself to be held and try to absorb the warmth and comfort Sheena was giving him, while trying to resist the suffering his heart was enduring from the words "You should never have been born,".

* * *

Please review, your words are very appreciated.

My question for you has isn't related to my story, but it is related to the T.o.S. universe. Have any of you read the manga for this game? I did a couple of days ago, and I think some parts of it are even _better _than the game. What I especially love about the manga is the facial expressions that are drawn onto the person. They're amazing.

Well, that's my opinion, and I'd like to hear yours, if you feel like it.

The next chapter will come as soon as I can type it.


	6. Someday

Sorry for the wait. I returned to school and had a weeks worth of homework to catch up on. And all of that work nearly killed my writing inspiration. So, if this chapter isn't as good as they have been, just be patient with me. I will try and continue to give you good, quality work.

I find this chapter boring, but essential. I don't know why, but I just do. Thanks to anyone who is a fan of this story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia.

* * *

Chapter 6- Someday

Sheena felt her eyes threatening to close, and as much as she would love to stop fighting them, she figured she should stay awake, even if it would affect her mood for the rest of the day.

She had been sleeping peacefully a few hours ago, well, as peacefully as she could manage on a _floor_, but was awakened but the sounds of fast paced breathing and an occasional whimper.

She sat up, groaning, and searched for the disturbance, only to realize it was Zelos.

"No." He called out, startling her as she got to her feet.

She walked over to the sleeping, distressed man, yearning to know what kind of dream was causing him so much pain.

"No!" He yelled, making the half asleep ninja jumped.

She was standing next to him and noticed his body was quivering, as the whimpers began to die down.

"Wake up Zelos." Sheena said, her voice wavering as his sleeping form unnerved her.

Before she could plead for him to wake up again, Zelos shot up, his eyes widened more than Sheena thought possible, his breathing sounding like he'd been deprived of air for minutes.

Sheena visibly flinched when he awoke, caught off guard by his suddenly arousal from sleep.

"Z-Zelos?" She mentally swore at herself for sounding so startled. His scared eyes locked onto hers and she felt like flinching again, but she controlled herself. "Are you all right?"

_I need to stop asking stupid questions. He's far from all right, he seems scared out of his mind._

As to further prove her thought, the only reply she received was a sob, which Sheena could have swore broke her heart. She then noticed the tears streaming down his face. At the moment she became aware of them, it seemed Zelos, too, noticed them. He turned his head away, almost as if he was in shame that he was crying, and began to wipe them away.

Seeing this sight, this heart wrenching scene, made her heart ache for her tormented friend. Did he suffer through dreams like that every night? She did recall him tell her that he hadn't been sleeping good lately, so they had to be happening for a little while.

Her legs walked over to him before she could comprehend what she was about to do. She sat down on his bed and, surprising herself, wrapped her arms around his shaking form in the only means she could think of for comfort. She felt him tense up at first but, almost immediately, he then relaxed, laying his head on her shoulder.

She rubbed his back, unable to think of anything else to do. She never had to console anyone before, so these small acts of kindness were foreign to her.

She soon began to murmur words to him, the majority consisting of: "It's over Zelos" and "It was just a dream, it wasn't real". She wasn't sure he heard, or was even listening to her, but the trembling in body soon stopped, however his breathing took a little longer before it returned to a normal pace.

Now, she was still in that same position, holding Zelos close to her, still stroking his back, but now he was, or at least appeared to be, in a peaceful slumber.

Sheena had tried to lay him down on his bed, but he would whimper every time she was about to let him go. Once, he even pleaded with her not to leave him, and that made the tiniest smile appear on her face.

But, there was the one unanswered question that Sheena was dying to know: What was that dream about? And if he had been suffering with them for some time. Were those dreams one reason that he tried to commit suicide.

"What tortures you that much, Zelos?" Sheena asked him quietly. "What do you dream about?"

"Nothing you'd want to hear about." Came a raspy reply.

Sheena jumped when she heard Zelos's hoarse voice. She looked down into his tired blue-gray eyes, which at the time appeared to guarded, so different from how they had been a few hours ago. You couldn't see the pure pain in them now.

"Look at this. I'm being hugged by my voluptuous hunny. Maybe I should have nightmares more often." He weakly attempted to grin, but nothing really came onto his face.

Disregarding what he had said, she gazed at him with a serious expression that Zelos could not ignore. He released himself from her hold and stared into her eyes.

"I want to know. What are you dreaming about?"

"Why would you care? It wasn't anything important."

"Yes, it is." She replied coolly, barely able to keep her emotions in check. "That nightmare of yours reduced you to tears, Zelos. How can you say it wasn't important."

"I don't remember what happened." He mumbled, embarrassed.

"That's the most pathetic lie I've heard, Zelos. Maybe if you talk about it-."

"Maybe I don't want to, Sheena! What if I want to forget what I saw again!" His eyes shone with a fierce anger, but that was only to cover up the anguish the dream made him feel.

"So… you have had a dream like that before, haven't you?" She asked tentatively.

"Every night, Sheena. Every night."

"What if I can help you, Zelos. Maybe I can."

"You can't, Sheena. Don't even bother to try."

"Why _shouldn't _I try? I can't just do nothing while you're suffering like this."

"Well, you didn't exactly help me, you know. I tried to get rid of the dreams, but you interfered."

"What do you…" She trailed off, realizing what he was referring to. "I see, so _that_ was your escape, huh?"

He said nothing, but the silence was proof enough for Sheena.

"There has to be some other way to help you than to try to kill yourself."

"Like what, Sheena?" He asked, agitated.

"I don't know, okay!" Her voice started to rise, losing her barely composed patience. "I don't know what can help you! But, you need it, whatever it may be."

Zelos just stared at her, making her wonder if he felt the same way. If so, then why would he be stubborn and not seek help?

"Zelos, I've said this so many times, but I'm going to say it again," Her voice was returning to the calmness she had retained throughout the previous day. "I want to help you. I don't want you to die. _Nobody _wants you to die. Can you please believe that?"

His lips curled into a sick smile. Getting up from his bed and walking to his bathroom, he turned around and answered, "I wish I could, but I can't."

With every response he gave, his answers become more and more cryptic, Sheena reasoned. Why couldn't he? What's stopping him?

Walking to the door, she knocked on the wood, waiting for the annoyed reply she knew she would get.

"Yeah, Sheena?" There it was.

Sitting down in front of the door, she sighed before starting a topic she knew she wouldn't want to hear, and yet, she _had _to know.

"Do… do you still want to…"

"Die?"

"I all ready know the answer to that. Do you want to cut yourself again? Do you want to let out all of your pain like that?"

Hesitance. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Sheena bit her bottom lip, waiting for what seemed like an eternity before hearing him speak once again.

"Do you want the truth?" He asked quietly, his voice seemingly regretful. Could it be, or did it sound that way due to lack of sleep?

"Yes, Zelos." She said in an equally quiet voice.

"I… I don't know."

She was shocked, to say the least. She felt somewhat joyed to hear that, but at the same time, still upset to hear that he still slightly wanted to.

"If you had the means to, would you?"

"Probably."

She sighed sadly, feeling like the fraction of progress she had made with him suddenly died. The only reason he wasn't marring himself with cuts was because he couldn't, due to her watchful eye and cleverness to remove any sharp objects she could find.

Not giving the disappointed reply she felt like releasing, she stood on her feet and waited for him to exit the bathroom.

Coming out a few minutes later, Sheena went through the routine of checking his arms once again. She knew that he could use his fingernails to scratch himself. She was unsure if it would give him the same sickening pleasure, but it was still possible.

_Great, now I'm thinking of ways for him to hurt himself. This isn't going to help him, Sheena. _She mentally berated herself.

"Are you going to go back to sleep?" Zelos asked, sounding almost hopeful.

She followed his eyes, seeing him staring distancing at the window. The snow was falling, continuing to blanket Meltokio in even more snow. She could see the far off sun, slowly beginning to rise, probably would be fully up in a few hours.

"Are you?"

He shook his head, and she nodded empathetically, though not fully able to comprehend why not. When he said 'Every night', was he being literal? Every time he slept, would he have those soul shattering nightmares?

Deciding not to get into it right now, she answered, "I'm not, either."

"I should've figured."

"So… what do we do now?"

"I can think of a way to pass the time." He put that suggestive smirk back on his face, making her roll her eyes.

"You can't hide behind that fake personality, Zelos."

"Why not?" He asked seriously. "What if I like pretending more than being me?"

"You're still you, no matter who you pretend to be. The pain you're feeling won't just miraculously disappear, you know."

"If only it could be that simple." He mumbled.

"Can you tell me? Please Zelos. Maybe I want to get to know the real you. I just want to know what's made you like this."

"You're just saying that so you won't feel guilty for not noticing something was wrong with me." He retorted.

Sheena bit down on her lip hard, clenching her fist so she wouldn't start shouting at him. Avoiding the question with some response that would infuriate her, he was becoming good at that game. But, Sheena wasn't going to allow him to run away forever. She would only just give up on asking for a little while, but she would never give up.

"I wish you didn't think that, Zelos. But, I can't decide what you feel." She shook her head. "I just hope that… maybe I can change your mind. I just hope that you'll trust me enough to tell me one day."

He shrugged noncommittally, but his couldn't hide the silent agreement he felt. Someday… maybe he could.

* * *

Hope you all liked it, no matter how uneventful it was. Please give me your thoughts on it, or just point out errors, since I have no question for you this time.

I believe Lloyd will make his appearance next chapter, but my plans always change so, who know.


	7. Real Me

And here is chapter seven And here is chapter seven. Thanks to all of the people who have enjoyed the story so far. And, since I couldn't reply to them personally, I'd like to give a special thanks to my two anonymous reviewers.

One more special thanks to MoonlitInuko who reminded me about the time in Welgaia that is mentioned in this chapter. I completely forgot about it.

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Disclaimer: I don't own the awesome RPG known as Tales of Symphonia.

Chapter 7- Real me?

"Eat, Zelos." Sheena commanded exasperatingly.

They were sitting at his kitchen table, Sheena trying to get Zelos to eat since it was a little after noon. She tried to get him to eat earlier, but it failed.

"But I'm not hungry." He replied simply.

"I've got a feeling that you're doing this because you enjoy pissing me off." She asked, smirking.

"Sheena, you caught me. You've discovered my big master plan." His eyes, to Sheena, seemed to hold a playful glint in them. Hopefully, that wasn't just her imagination.

"Come on, Zelos. You need to eat something."

"Later Sheena, okay?"

Sighing, she unwillingly gave into what he wanted… for now. Nodding her head in agreement, Zelos smirked and got up from his chair.

"It's still snowing." Zelos commented.

He did it again. Sheena started observing that whenever his attention was directed to a window, his eyes looked clouded, almost as if he was seeing something different outside of that window, something that was invisible to Sheena's eyes.

Could that have something to do with the depression that's been plaguing the man?

The two's completely different thoughts were interrupted by a somewhat loud knock. Was somebody here? Could Sebastian have returned? Sheena inwardly cringed at that idea. She really wasn't looking forward to the conversation she and the aging butler would need to have concerning Zelos, especially since she knew nothing on how to help him heal.

Sighing, she walked towards the door, figuring she had better answer it instead of Zelos. She inhaled a calming breathe before clutching the doorknob and pulling the door open quickly.

The first thing she noticed was red.

"Hey Sheena!" Covering up her shock, she smiled a little when she realized who was addressing her.

"Lloyd. It's been way too long, huh?"

"What are you doing here?" His eyes held confusion in them.

"I was about to ask you the same thing."

He shrugged before delving into his short answer, "Meltokio comes up on the way before Mizuho, so I figured I'd stop by and see Zelos."

"That's nice. Now, if you don't mind, just stand outside for a couple of minutes, okay?" She gave a nervous laugh and, before even waiting for the swordsman to say anything, slammed the door on him.

She turned her attention to Zelos, who was standing a couple feet away.

"See. Lloyd came here to see you. Obviously, that has to tell you that you're still wanted."

"But, he _was _on his way to see you. He decided to come here because he was going to simply pass by Meltokio."

"You don't know that, Zelos."

"Why'd you close the door on him? That's no way to win the guy's heart, Sheena." The last part caused a blush to creep onto her face. True, she did have the tiniest bit of a crush on the idealist, but it was in the past. It was just a mere crush, nothing more.

"You're delusional, Zelos. I have no interest in Lloyd."

"Yeah, that's probably for the best. I wouldn't want my banshee's heart broken."

No smirk, no annoying tone, was he joking? Or was he being serious? It was impossible to tell anymore, so she didn't dwell on it anymore.

"S-so, do you want him to come in?" Sheena asked.

"Depends, are you going to tell him about what I tried to do a two days ago?"

"Why should I?"

He merely shrugged, "Because I won't." He was grinning, which made Sheena clench her jaw. That proved it. He _did _enjoy pissing her off.

"I going to." His eyes widened in shock for a few seconds, before returning to an emotionless mask he almost had perfected.

Giving a non-commited "Whatever", he walked up to his room, closing the door behind him.

He wasn't expecting her to say yes, that much was obvious. But, Sheena needed Lloyd's help in this. He, out of anyone, should be able to bring Zelos out of this depression he was under. He was able to give Zelosa reason to continue to live back at Welgaia, so he should be able to help him now.

She opened the door once again and Lloyd was still standing around outside. He was staring up at the sky, his face holding, to her guess, a surprised expression, most likely at the fact that it was snowing.

"Sorry about that," Sheena apologized.

"That's all right. Why'd you have to leave me outside, though? It's freezing out here." Sheena laughed at this, motioning for him to come inside.

"So, why are you here, Sheena?" Lloyd asked curiously.

That question again. There were so many ways that that question could be avoided, with lies or just asking Lloyd so many other questions that he'd eventually forget about it.

_I'm becoming more like Zelos. This is not a good sign._

"Well…" She began nervously, "I, um, I guess… that I should tell you the truth, huh?"

"Why would you want to lie, Sheena?"

"Okay, here goes. It's a pretty long story."

And so, Sheena began the long story about unintentionally finding Zelos bleeding to death in his bathroom, due to his failed attempt at suicide. Then, she spoke about her tries of prying questions out of him. Finally, the last thing she spoke about was his disturbing dream, which made him close himself off even more than he all ready was.

She was expecting Lloyd to yell, swear, or have some kind of verbal response to all of this. His mouth was agape, his face stuck in a shocked, horrified look. He seemed totally unaware of this side of Zelos, just as Sheena herself has been.

After a few minutes of an awkward silence, Sheena finally spoke, "Do you want to talk to him? You might be able to help him? I haven't done anything besides annoy him, I think."

"I don't think I'll be able to do anything for him."

"Just try Lloyd, please." Her voice was thinly laced with desperation, but it went unnoticed by Lloyd.

Lloyd and Sheena walked up the stairs. She knocked on the door, but Lloyd entered alone, still stunned by what he had heard. There's no way that Zelos could be like Sheena described. It just couldn't be.

Zelos was laying down bed, looking up at the ceiling. Lloyd waited for Zelos to acknowledge him, but he either was unaware Lloyd was in the room, or just ignoring him completely. Lloyd figured it was the latter.

"How are you Zelos?" Lloyd asked. He was completely lost on what he should be saying, but something told him he didn't ask the right thing.

Zelos sat up in his bed and looked at Lloyd, his blue-gray eyes boring into the brown eyes that looked at him with utter concern.

"I honestly have no idea." Zelos answered. Lloyd only nodded, since he had no idea what else he could do. He wasn't expecting an answer like that from a man who tried to take his own life.

"I… I see."

"How are you?" Zelos asked to break the uncomfortable silence they encountered.

"I'm fine." Lloyd replied, smiling a little.

They lapsed back into silence. Zelos looked at Lloyd the entire time, seeing his eyes dart around the room in an attempt to think of something to say. Getting tired of watching his nervousness, the older man sighed.

"Aren't you supposed to ask me something?" Zelos inquired.

"Like…?" Lloyd asked, feigning ignorance.

"Like why I tried to kill myself?" Zelos asked impatiently.

"Why? Are you going to tell me?" The other replied, smiling sheepishly.

"You're smarting then I thought, Lloyd. I figured that would be the first thing you'd ask me. Or, that you'd start spewing your idealistic speeches at me."

"I just wish you didn't do it, though." He lamented. "There's no point in dying like that, Zelos. Why _would_ you want to die like that?"

"I thought you said you weren't going to bother to ask." Zelos said in a mocking tone.

"I'm only asking because I thought that I helped you realize that you were needed, Zelos. I thought I convinced you." Lloyd was unable to conceal the desperation he was feeling. Like Sheena, he was completely clueless about how to help his friend deal with his inner torment.

Zelos shrugged and laid down on his bed once again, facing away from the younger swordsman.

"You want me to leave, huh?" Lloyd asked, knowing he wouldn't get an answer, well, a verbal answer, this is. Zelos shrugged one shoulder, signaling he didn't care either way.

Lloyd nodded, then turned around to leave, but before exiting, he spoke once more, "I'll leave for right now. But, I'll be back sometime. Hopefully then, you'll want to talk to me, because if the person I traveled with wasn't the real you," Lloyd turned around and smiled at Zelos, though the red haired man was unaware, "then I really want to meet the real Zelos, okay?"

And with that, Lloyd left his room. Zelos rolled his eyes at Lloyd's request, unable to do anything else.

"I don't think you'd like the _real _me Lloyd. I don't think I even know who the real me is, anymore." Zelos whispered morosely.

Zelos held his left arm out in front of him, looking at the spot where his three cuts should be. They vanished, possibly from the healers that had brought him back from the brink of death.

_"You should never have been born"_

There it was. The voice. His mother's voice. He had been expecting to hear it, since he hadn't at all today. It didn't leave him alone often, so he had been awaiting it, never getting hopeful that it had finally left him. Like that would ever happen. He knew it just hurt more to hope that it would leave. He all ready found that out.

"I need… something." Zelos said, sighing in frustration.

He was aware that his method of releasing his negative emotions was unhealthy, he _knew _that, but it was the only way he knew. For so long, he had no one he could just let all of his fears, anxieties, and frustrations out to. Sure, he had Sebastian, but the man practically raised him, he couldn't burden him with all of that.

"I wish you could help me, Sheena. I really do, but I don't know how to _let _you help me. That's why I don't want you to even bother." He said out loud to the emptiness in his room, which closely resembled the emptiness he felt inside himself.

He got up from his room, searching for anything sharp he could find. Sheena couldn't have found _everything _in his room, could she? He didn't even know what half the stuff in his room was, since most of his belongings were unopened packages.

_The boxes! _Zelos thought, _There's got to be something in them!_

And so, after rummaging through box after box, he finally found one that had something useful in it: a brand new sword!

Removing it from the giant box it had been hidden inside, he quickly glanced at the note attached to it.

"I thought you might need a new sword, since you're old one is probably worn out from your long adventure…" He tossed it aside after that, thinking it was just a girl's rambling about wanting to go on a date with him or something. Maybe he would give this lovely women something, if she didn't despise his presence at the moment like the other residents of Meltokio, that is.

He held the sword at stared at it for a few seconds before holding it inches from his wrist. He cut through the veins in them once before without a second though and yet… why did he get an uneasy feeling inside of him?

"Is it… because Sheena's here? That shouldn't matter." Zelos scoffed. Though, maybe the ninja was effecting him in a positive way. He couldn't bring himself to slit his wrist once more. His heart just wouldn't let him do what his mind thought he wanted.

But, he did need to cut himself. The masochist inside of him needed to feel the pain, needed to feel the calming sensation that at the same time frightened Zelos.

He made a small scratch on his skin right near his elbow, light enough so it could barely be seen, but hard enough so he could feel the twinge of pain it caused. It didn't bleed, but he could still notice the pain coming from the cut, and it pleased him, in a sickening way.

Smirking half-heartedly, he said to himself, "Maybe doing this to myself… maybe this is the real me.

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This chapter didn't turn out how I planned at all. But, I hope it was still enjoyable.

Please review. It would be nice to hear from my readers.

Not sure when I'll be able to update the next chapter. I'm having a couple of family members visit for a couple of days, so I'll probably be busy. But, I'll update as fast as I can.


	8. Blame

Here is chapter 8. I give my thanks to everyone who has reviewed, and I wish I could personally respond to my two anonymous reviewers, but since I can't, just know that I appreciate them.

I hope no one minded Lloyd being OOC, at least, I think he was. I know it was pointed out in a review, though said reviewer didn't mind it. I have no idea how to portray Lloyd in this, and it doesn't help that I haven't played in forever. I hope this won't bother anyone _too_ badly.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia.

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Chapter 8- Blame

Lloyd stomped down the stairs, muttering to himself, "Dammit, dammit, dammit…" the entire time. Sheena, after hearing this, walked over to him once his feet were planted onto the first floor.

"What happened?" She asked cautiously, knowing it couldn't have been anything good.

"Dammit, I didn't do anything!" Lloyd yelled, eyes ablaze in frustration, "I got too nervous to do anything! And I don't know why the hell it happened!"

Sheena shrugged, "It's because that's one of your best friends tried to take their own life. And… and you don't know how to help them."

"Yeah." Lloyd agreed, running a gloved hand through his hair.

"I feel the same why." Sheena added, nodding empathetically at Lloyd. "I don't know what to do, and everything that I try seems to make the situation even worse than it is."

"That's why I left. He wasn't really answering me. Well, he was answering, but-."

"He was mostly avoiding the question." Sheena finished, receiving a nod from Lloyd.

Sheena sighed and looked out the window, watching for a moment as the snow fell, the sky beginning to become darker. What did Zelos have against the harmless white flakes? Was he stranded outside in a snowstorm for a long time or something? Did he almost freeze to death? What happened in his past that had to do with the snow? What happened to make Zelos how he is today?

"I'm going to talk to him." She said, confidently.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Lloyd offered.

Sheena shook her head, "No, I'll try talking to him by myself for right now. Just make yourself comfortable, I'm not leaving his room until I find out _something_." Her eyes held a determination that Lloyd couldn't help but grin at.

* * *

"Zelos, I'm coming in," Sheena said, not waiting for an answer from the man.

Opening the door, she found the red head standing in front of the window, gazing out at the lightly falling flakes. He didn't even acknowledge her as she walked across the room to stand next to him.

When she was beside him, she looked at face and he looked almost serene, peaceful. Were her suspicions wrong? Did he not hate the snow?

"Zelos?" Sheena said, tilting her head in confusion.

He turned his head, allowing Sheena to look into his empty eyes. Perhaps it was because of the lack of light in his room, but his blue-gray orbs also looked clouded.

"What are you doing?" Sheena asked, clearly surprised by his behavior.

Shrugging, he answered, "Nothing my hunny. Just watching the snow." Though he was using his joking around tone, the usual grin or smirk was missing from his face.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Depends. Are you expecting me to answer?" Zelos challenged.

"Yes," Sheena replied confidently, "I do."

"What is it?"

"Why do you hate the snow?"

Zelos couldn't quite recover from the split second shock he felt. You could clearly see the pain etched into his face, if only for a moment, before he put on his mask once more.

"What makes you think I hate it?" He asked, trying his hardest to sound as if it was an innocent question.

"Zelos, please stop dancing around my questions." She asked exasperatedly.

"Well, I do know one way you could get me to answer…" The grin finally emerged onto his face.

"Zelos!" Sheena yelled, losing control of her barely composed patience.

"Whoa, calm down, my wonderful banshee." Zelos pleaded, holding his hands up to prove he wasn't going to do anything.

Sheena rolled her eyes at this, but then her eyes traveled along his arms, gasping as she noticed something. Zelos, it seemed, was able to tell what she was seeing, because he immediately brought his arms down to hide them from her observant eyes.

"Let me see your arm." Sheena said, in a commanding, though eerily calm voice, one she had heard Zelos use a couple times before.

"Sheena, don't." Zelos begged in a small voice.

Not giving into his request, she gently, though firmly, grabbed his left arm and examined it. Even though the moonlight was the only source of light in the room, she could see the faint line of a cut. One that hadn't been there the last she checked.

"When did you do this?" She asked, looking up into his now guilt-ridden, remorseful eyes.

Shrugging, he estimated, "Five minutes ago?" His voice was small, and, Sheena detected, apologetic, but not entirely regretful.

"I knew I shouldn't have left you alone for long," That statement was said in a one half serious, the other jokingly, tone, though she meant to be absolutely serious. "Why Zelos?" She asked in a desperate whisper.

Sheena knew she should be questioning him about how he marred his skin with yet another cut, so then she could confinscate the sharp tool, but she needed to know this more. She waited patiently for him to say this, hopefully truthful, answer.

"I honestly don't know, Sheena." He was looking her straight in the eye, and she couldn't deny that he was telling the truth, "I just… I felt like I needed to. I don't really know why, but…" He trailed off, causing Sheena to frown.

No matter how much she wanted to deny it, Sheena could understand his need, or, at least, she could imagine why simply felt the need to cut himself once again. He was just so used to coping with whatever he was feeling with this method. Apparently, he felt something he couldn't deal with and so, he dealt with it the only way he knew how.

At least, that's how she rationalized the need he felt in her head.

"What did you do it with?"

"Sheena,"

"Where is whatever you used to do that," She pointed to his arm, "with, Zelos?"

She turned away from him and was about to start searching, until she was stopped by his shocking bribe.

"I'll tell you why I hate the snow."

Sheena's eyes widened, a gasp escaping from her throat. Turning her head, she looked at Zelos, who, all of the sudden, became fixated with a spot on the floor.

"Did you say… what I think you said?" She received a nod, "And will you tell me the _truth_?" She emphasized the last word. He nodded again, though Sheena could tell it was with some amount of reluctance.

She was torn between hearing his story, to finally find out what the cause of his internal suffering was, and finding his new sharp object. She knew she should search now, and have him talk about it later, but her curiosity won out in the end.

"Okay Zelos, tell me. Tell me everything."

He sat down on his bed, motioning for Sheena to do the same. He was still staring at the floor, his eyes being shadowed by his long hair.

He inhaled a deep breathe before beginning his story, "I guess I should just out and say it, huh? My mother was killed while it was snowing." So blunt, so dejected, so sorrowful, there were a million emotions in his voice, some even Sheena couldn't name. She knew it had to be something bad, but _that_!

It was true, she had no idea about how the death of Mylene Wilder had occurred, and she knew that shouldn't try and pry the answer out of Zelos, though, she _had_just done that, and she knew that her death must have wounded Zelos in some way, but she didn't imagine his pain over her death to be anything like this.

"You said she killed, didn't you?" Sheena asked tentatively, knowing she was most likely bringing up something Zelos would rather forget.

"Yep, right in front of me." She flinched at the bitterness in his voice.

"That's horrible Zelos." She wanted to say hundreds of other things to him besides that, but nothing else would come out of her mouth.

"Well my hunny, it gets worse. She died _protecting _me."

Sheena was at a lost. What could she say? What sympathy could she offer? Could _anything_ she say really affect him, in a good or bad way?

"You blame yourself, don't you?" She was almost certain of it, though she had to hear a confirmation from Zelos to be absolutely positive.

"How could I _not_, Sheena?" He asked, agitatedly. "It's my fault that she died, no one else is to blame but me."

"That's a lie, Zelos!" She yelled, making the ex-chosen jump slightly, "It's not your fault! The person you should blame is the person that killed your mother, not yourself."

"But it was _my _fault!" Zelos yelled.

"No it wasn't!" Sheena said back.

"Sheena, can you really try to convince me of this? Can _you, _out of anybody, try and convince me that her death wasn't my fault, when you still blame yourself for-."

"Zelos, it's not the same thing!" Sheena screamed, taken aback by his words.

"Yes it is. You blamed yourself for what Volt did, so isn't it a little hypocritical of you to be telling me this?!" Zelos was panting after yelling, though he was unaware of Sheena's bowed head, and her slightly quivering shoulders.

Sheena looked up at Zelos, glaring murderously, making him flinch.

"Think whatever you want, Zelos. I don't know why I even tried." Her eyes softened, looking brighter with unshed tears, "I just wish… I wish you knew it wasn't your fault."

Getting to her feet, she walked to his door. Turning around to look at him once again, she walked out of his room, lightly shutting the door behind her, barely managing to choke back a sob.

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Don't worry, Sheena won't abandon Zelos, she just needs to blow off some steam. Expect to see more of Lloyd next chapter, since he needs to do damage control.

Oh, and I thought about ending the chapter at "Tell me everything", but I figured that would be too evil of me.

Please review.


	9. Conversations

Thanks once again to my reviewers and readers. I hope everyone so far has enjoyed this story, despite the fact that I've probably made everyone very OOC. And for the true fans of this story, I'm sorry to inform you that I believe the end is coming. It's still a little ways away, but I thought I should let all of you know. Okay, let's step away from the upsetting news and get to the story!

But before that happens: I don't own Tales of Symphonia. This disclaimer proves it.

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Chapter 9- Conversations

Zelos sunk down onto his floor, leaning against the side of his bed. He sighed, trying to fight the urge to grab his sword, which he now kept tucked away under his bed.

Reaccessing his argument with Sheena in his head, he knew that the words he threw at her were harsh, and he didn't mean to upset her, but he didn't know how else to react. His impulse didn't help him in their fight, but it succeeded in delivering damage to Sheena.

He had an uneasy, queasy feeling deep down in his stomach, probably due to the guilt he was feeling about Sheena. He had seen it in her eyes, his words about her past and what happened with the summon spirit Volt had _definitely _hurt her.

"This is why I just wanted you to stop trying." He mumbled to the floor, "I knew I'd end up hurting you, Sheena." He punched the floor, clenching his jaw, "I can't do _anything_ right."

_She's going to leave, _He thought disdainfully, _I'll be all alone again, well, more alone than what I all ready was._

"My beautiful banshee's going to leave me, and I didn't even get a chance to apologize to her." He said wryly, now staring out his window.

He reached under his bed and gingerly grabbed the hilt of his sword, exerting all of his will to not pull it out and make another emotion releasing cut into his flesh.

He didn't resist because he knew it was wrong and unhealthy, he fought against the growing urge because he could just sense that he wouldn't be alone long enough.

As if to prove his theory, he heard a faint knock from the other side of the door.

He got onto his feet, and slowly walked over to the door. Was it Lloyd again? Could it perhaps be Sheena, returning to yell and scream at him?

_Can't really imagine her doing that, so I'm going to bet it's Lloyd. _

Opening the door, his eyes met with the red clad swordsman who almost stood at Zelos's height.

In Lloyd's eyes, there was no anger, though there wasn't happiness in them either. It was only an unnamed emotion deep within the brown orbs.

"What are you doing here?" Zelos asked, giving a nervous laugh.

"I told you I was coming back. You didn't think I was going to abandon you, did you?" Lloyd seemed to have lost the nervousness he was suffering from earlier, a nervousness Zelos was now under.

Zelos led Lloyd into his room, both swordsmen coming to a stop in front of the window, each staring out into the darkness, the only color outside coming from the radiating moon and the snow.

"If you did, I'd wonder if you were truly Lloyd," Zelos smirked in spite of himself.

After a momentary lapse of silence, Lloyd asked, "What did you do to Sheena?"

Zelos's heart dropped, his body tensing with even more guilt, "I just… kind of… lashed out at her." He replied, shifting his eyes towards the floor.

"She seemed upset. Why'd you say whatever you said to her?"

"That's the thing, Lloyd. I don't really know." Zelos sighed heavily.

"Is it because of what you said about your mother?" Lloyd asked slowly.

Zelos's eyes widened. He hadn't expected Sheena to explain what he said to Lloyd. At least, not immediately.

"Sheena told me everything." Lloyd continued, "You blame yourself for her death, don't you?"

"I thought Sheena told you everything?" He asked snidely.

"I just wanted to hear it from you. Is that why you tried to kill yourself?" Lloyd questioned hesitantly.

Zelos raised an eyebrow in silent amazement. He was somewhat shocked that Lloyd was able to piece everything together so quickly.

"You're smarter than I thought, Lloyd," Zelos praised, "I didn't think you'd figure it out that fast."

Lloyd, grinning, looked at Zelos and remarked, "After everything we've been through, you still think I'm some country hick?"

"What can I say, you haven't given me reason to think of you any other way." He was grinning now, starting to feel better than he had all day.

"Was it out of… guilt?" Lloyd asked, tilting his head.

"Half of it was guilt." Zelos stated, disappointed that they were getting back to serious conversation.

"And?" Lloyd pressed.

"And what?" He shrugged.

Zelos could just imagine what it would be like if it was Sheena in the room with him. He could just see her disappointed, frustrated sigh, forcing herself not to say, "Would you stop retreating inside of yourself!" He inwardly chuckled at that.

"Come on Zelos,"

"To protect you guys," He whispered, barely aware that those words had left his mouth.

"What?" Lloyd asked in disbelief.

Zelos looked up into Lloyd's eyes, staring into them remorsefully, "I hurt everyone that's around me."

"That's not true, Zelos," Lloyd berated, his voice beginning to rise, "What makes you think that?"

"My mother ended up _dead _because of me! Don't you get that, Lloyd?" Zelos yelled.

"I know, but it was her choice to protect you! You didn't kill her! Whoever tried to kill you killed your mother!"

"I almost got all of you guys killed, too." Zelos murmured, his eyes retreating to the ground once again.

"But you saved them, Zelos. You didn't let them die."

"They wouldn't have been in those life and death situations if it wasn't for me, though."

"But after all that, you still helped us. You helped us and didn't betray us again."

"But the point is, I did betray you guys. I didn't deserve a second chance!"

"Zelos, listen to me. Everyone trusts you. After what happened at the Tower of Salvation, everyone still trusts you."

"And they shouldn't." Zelos added in.

"Let me finish. You were given a second chance and you didn't betray us. You could have, you could've crawled back to Cruxis, but you didn't. You helped us bring the two world together. Everyone trusts you because you helped us, Zelos. No one wants you to die.

"Everyone that traveled with us was, and still is, your comrade and your friend. If you died, everyone would be sad over your death, especially if you took your own life.

"Not just us, but your sister. Seles loves you, she cares about you, she, too, would be sad. Don't forget about Sebastian. He's served you for a long time, hasn't he? Don't you think he'd be upset if you were gone? You've got so many people in your life, Zelos, don't cause them that kind of pain by killing yourself."

Zelos was quiet, trying to absorb everything that Lloyd had said to him. It was true, he cared about all of them, everyone that Lloyd had mentioned, but he never truly thought that all of them, in return, cared about him.

Zelos wanted that kind of acceptance, to have all of those people care about him, and he wanted more than anything else to embrace that love, that happiness, but he couldn't. The wounds caused by his mother's scarring words were still too deep. He wasn't sure if they could ever be healed.

"Thanks Lloyd." Zelos whispered, unable to say anything else.

"Any time, Zelos." Lloyd smiled.

"Could… could you go find Sheena for me? I need to apologize to her. I didn't mean to-"

"I know. I think she knows, too."

"That doesn't matter." He said quickly.

"All right. Don't do anything while you're alone." His eyes traveled to Zelos's arm, where his newest cut decorated his skin.

He twisted his arm so it was out of view, eyes downcasting with more regret, "I won't. Just find her for me. Please."

Not saying anything more, Lloyd walked out of the room, leaving Zelos alone.

Though he felt more comforted with Lloyd's words, he still didn't feel completely better.

Lloyd's reassuring words and Mylene's damaging words screamed at him, battling against each other, similar to a classic fight between good and evil, right and wrong, and, most of all, life and death.

He wanted to find his sanctuary within Sheena and Lloyd's words, he wanted that more than anything, but he still couldn't see the salvation they offered. The words, 'You should never have been born' still blinded him, making him able to only see his self-loathing, hatred towards himself. He yearned for the self acceptance his friends offered him, yet he couldn't embrace it.

And that single fact caused him the most agony.

He closed his eyes, trying to contain his numerous emotions. He hated having to feel all of them, all the sadness, anger, hatred, but he knew he couldn't reach for his sword. He promised Lloyd he wouldn't. Though it would be so easy to, to replace all of these emotions with pain…

"No, I can't," Zelos murmured, trying to end those thoughts, no matter how appealing they were.

However, he did feel somewhat peaceful and maybe the tiniest bit of happiness, something that he didn't want to have leave him.

Sighing, he began pacing, trying to calm his growing nerves. Would Sheena even bother to come see him? Would she even want to? She had to, though, it would be understandable if she didn't. Was she leaving the city?

That thought alone took away his budding happiness, and brought back his feelings of guilt that Lloyd's words had tried to put to rest. The guilt washed over him with unrelenting force, increasing his nerves and negative emotions.

Unable to be alone in his room, with only his thoughts for company, he walked over to his door. Opening it with haste, he stepped out and collided with something.

"Zelos?"

Or, more accurately, someone.

"Sheena?"

* * *

I know what you're all thinking: I'm horrible for ending the chapter there. I'm sorry, but I found it appropriate. And I haven't really given you any cliffhangers, well, let's _not _count chapter 1 right now.

Please review. I enjoy hearing from readers. And I just wish to say that, as of now, I'm celebrating because I've got 33 reviews! I know, people would celebrate at 25, 50, or 100, but not me!

Okay, I'll end my rambling, though I don't think anyone reads this. I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can. One more thing, I hope I didn't make Lloyd's long speech on living too boring.


	10. Kiss

The first thing I'd like to say is that you aren't imagining the title of this chapter

The first thing I'd like to say is that you aren't imagining the title of this chapter. It really does say the word "Kiss".

Thanks to everyone who reviewed and who's read the story. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, don't own Tales of Symphonia.

* * *

Chapter 10- Kiss

Sheena stared at the former chosen who had just walked into her, confused as to why he was leaving his room. Where was he going? Was he looking for her?

She had stepped outside of Zelos's house to calm her raging emotions. She didn't mean to run out of his room, but she just couldn't deal with him or his stubbornness at that time. The snow made the cold seep into her skin, which only made her wonder more about his mother's death.

Maybe Zelos was right. Perhaps she had no right to say what she had said to him. Everyone, including Zelos, had helped her move past that one tragic event in her life. However, there would always be regret about what happened within her.

Could that be what Zelos needed? Did he just need someone to help him move on? Someone to help ease the pain he's suffered from ever since Mylene's death?

With that in her mind, and with her renewed resolve, she turned around, just in time for the door to open and Lloyd to step outside.

"Sheena?" Lloyd asked in disbelief.

"Lloyd, what're you doing here?"

"Zelos asked me to get you for him. He wants to talk to you."

"About?"

"You'll have to go up and see for yourself."

Sheena considered asking more questions, but she only ended up sighing and walking inside, not paying attention as to whether or not Lloyd followed.

* * *

And now, here she was, regaining her balance after Zelos had just walked into her.

"What are you doing?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Looking for you,"

"Well, I guess you bumping into me counts." She said sarcastically, causing the faintest smile to appear on Zelos's face. No matter how small it was, it was still a smile, one that definitely wasn't fake. "So, did you want to talk to me?"

"Uh, y-yeah." Sheena could easily pick up on the nervousness in his voice.

_I hope he doesn't think I'm still angry at him. I'm not anymore._

Without continuing, Zelos walked back into his room, Sheena immediately following. Sheena was slightly afraid that he wouldn't continue what he was trying to say out in the hall. So, she decided that she would talk, maybe it could lure him back into opening up to her.

"How was talking to Lloyd?"

She received a shrug, making her roll her eyes. He was closing himself off again. Maybe Lloyd didn't help Zelos. If he failed, what could she do now?

"Talking to Lloyd was boring."

"Boring?" Sheena questioned. She wasn't expecting him to describe it like that.

"Yeah. He just made this long, boring speech. Though, I've always found long speeches boring. Plus, he isn't as pretty to look at, so I wasn't entertained at all when I was talking to him."

Sheena could feel her cheeks becoming warmer, grateful that the darkness in the room could cover her growing blush.

"Seriously, Zelos."

He sighed heavily, "I don't know how to describe it. He just told me everything you've been trying to tell me."

"I see." Nothing she had been telling him was well received, so it seemed Lloyd didn't make any headway.

"I'm sorry, Sheena." Zelos whispered.

"You're apologizing?" Sheena said after recovering from her shock, "Is that what you were trying to tell me earlier?"

"Yeah, it was." He answered quietly.

"You don't need to apologize, Zelos. I understand why you said… what you said."

"That doesn't make it okay, Sheena. I had no right to say-."

"Zelos, I'm not mad. Like I said, I'm partially to blame."

Instead of saying anything else, the former chosen started chuckling, a chuckle that didn't sound strained, "I can't believe what's happened to our arguments. Look at us, we're fighting about who shouldn't be apologizing."

After a couple of seconds, laughter came out of Sheena's mouth as well, "Wow, you're right. We've certainly changed. Maybe it's because I have no reason to argue with the _real _Zelos."

Zelos rolled his eyes, a frown forming onto his face. She knew he wouldn't like to hear that.

"Would you let me help you, Zelos?"

"You know, I've lost count of how many times you've said that."

"I know, I'm probably annoying you, but you need to hear this. What you said was right," She looked at Zelos to see if he'd say anything. Instead, his eyes were wide and his mouth was slightly gaping. With a small smile on her face, Sheena continued, "I still feel guilty about what happened, and a small part of me will always blame myself for what happened, but…"

Searching her mind for the right words, she continued after a short pause, "Everyone helped me move past what happened. You helped me too, Zelos. Without you, I'd still be wallowing in my guilt. But, you helped me move on. And now, I want to help you."

She closed the distance between them. Looking up into his blue-gray eyes, she said, "I'm not the only one that wants to help you, Zelos. Lloyd does. Everyone else does as well: Colette, Genis, Raine, Presea, Regal, everyone. And don't forget about Sebastian. He practically raised you, didn't he? Of course he'd want to help you move on. And Seles, she doesn't hate you."

"But she should." Zelos muttered.

"I know you may think that, but it's not true. Visit Seles, and you'll find out for yourself. You haven't seen her in a while, have you?" Zelos shook his head, "See Zelos, you have all people who love you and want to help you. Just, please, let th-."

The rest of her sentence was cut off. Not by Zelos interuptting, no, not by anything he said, but by _something _he apparently decided to do on a whim. Something that Sheena was far from prepared for.

His lips pressed onto hers, and after that, Sheena was willing to bet Corrine's bell that time had, in fact, stopped.

The kiss was short, chaste, and he did it in a very hesitant, almost shy, way. And yet, Sheena found it enjoyable. She imagined Zelos would kiss someone in a long, forceful, passionate way, and this was the complete opposite. This further proved she knew hardly anything about him.

She was unable to return the kiss, due to her mind still being utterly dazed. But, it was over just as quickly and unexpectedly it had happened.

Sheena watched him fidget nervously as he pulled away, his eyes glancing at the floor. She could barely make out that a blush was on his face, making her not feel as embarrassed.

"Did that… just happen?" She asked in a dazed voice.

"Y-yeah. Like I said, long speeches bore me so…"

"You decided to get me to stop talking?" She couldn't resist the urge to grin.

"Right. Sorry, Sheena."

"Don't start apologizing again, Zelos. Just like last time, you did nothing to apologize for."

His head immediately shot up. His eyes were wide again, even more than before.

"Y-you mean…?"

"I'm not mad at you. Don't think that I am."

She knew this time her eyes weren't fooling her. She knew this was real. Though it was small, Zelos was smiling, one that seemed like it was genuine, and it wasn't disappearing the moment anyone saw it.

"Zelos," She began with a smile on her own face, "Could you tell me more about how your mother… died?"

"Nothing more to tell. I was supposed to die that die, my mother died protecting me, Seles's mother was executed for killing my mother-."

"Seles's mother killed your mother?!"

"Yep, understand why I think my sister should hate me?"

"She still loves you, Zelos, regardless of what happened in your past. Like I said before, go visit Seles sometime and see for yourself."

His eyes retreated to the floor once again, causing Sheena to sigh. This was becoming a reoccuring habit of his, one that she would have to work on.

"Do you understand what I'm saying, Zelos? Let me help you, let your friends and your family help you. We want you to live, Zelos Wilder, and we want you to be happy."

Sheena stood directly in front of him and grabbed his wrist, turning it over. Lightly, she brushed her fingertips against the lone cut that was on his arm. "You shouldn't have to do _this_ to yourself anymore. You've got me, so you don't need to do this."

His eyes met hers, then they glanced down at his arm. The orbs weren't guarded, allowing Sheena to see all the pain in them, pain she wanted to help take away.

In her own shy manner, she allowed her own lips to touch Zelos's, and she could tell he just as surprised as she was. Though, the weird part was, she wasn't sure what made her think of doing this. She just… did it.

Pulling away after a moment, furiously blushing, she chuckled nervously, and before she could explain her actions, Zelos spoke.

"I hope you're not going to take that back by apologizing. I'd really hate it if you did."

Looking up at him, she could still see his small smile. It was genuine, but it seemed fragile, like it could break in any second. And she knew what words could deliver that shattering blow, but she would never imagine saying them.

"Don't worry, I would never do that. I didn't do anything wrong, did I?" She grinned sheepishly.

Without saying anything else, a frown appeared on his face, making Sheena's mouth mimic his. Before she could ask what was wrong, he turned around and walked out to his balcony, into the light snowstorm.

"What's wrong now?" She whispered to herself before walking after him.

His behavior now puzzled her. He seemed to be withdrawing again, but why? If those words and the two short kisses they shared did nothing, what could she do now?

* * *

I hope you didn't mind the cliffhanger too much, but, I couldn't think of any other way of ending the chapter.

I believe you all saw that this was my first fanfiction, correct? Which means that that was my first kissing scene, so if it was terrible, it was probably due to my lack of experience at describing it.

Please review, because when chapters get difficult to write, just like this one, they keep me motivated and focused, and help me come up with ideas for the chapters. So please, once again, review.


	11. Can't

Thanks to all of my reviewers for complimenting me on the last chapter! It's great to hear that you all enjoyed the special scenes, especially since I thought I would disappoint you all.

My original plan for this story was to make this the final chapter, but, then I thought the ending might be too abrupt, so I'm making it a little longer than I had previously planned. With that being said, I don't know what'll happen in the next chapters, so they may take me a little while to write. Please be patient with me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia.

* * *

Chapter 11- Can't

Zelos leaned against the railing of his balcony, staring out into the darkness that surrounded Meltokio. The moon wasn't visible in the sky anymore, most likely because the sky had grown more cloudy, but, he could still see the snow flakes falling down.

He had only stepped outside a few times since the everlasting blizzard began, and it was usually on the days when the sun made its rare appearance and the snow disappeared for a day.

He'd almost forgotten what the bitter, icy feel the snow had to it when it landed on bare skin. Almost.

But what he hadn't forgotten, but would give anything he had to forget, was what the snow looked like when it was mixed with blood. Being out in the snow made the memory come back with a new force. Looking down at the ground, he could almost see the scene play out before him.

He could remember his joy when he had first seen the snow. But what made him even more happy that day was when his mother had offered to take him outside and show him how to build a snowman, the first, and only, real motherly act she had ever done.

He recalled that he was smiling right after they had completed building their first snowman. But his smile vanished from his face when his eyes spotted a person, who he believed was a women, standing in the distance. She looked familiar, but she was too far away for his younger self to correctly identify.

But, regardless of that, he could see her hands beginning to glow, like she was going to send a magical attack their way. Then, he saw a blinding light, making him force his eyes shut to block it out.

He heard the sound of something getting hit by the blast, but he could feel that it wasn't him. Then, the smell of blood surrounded him and he had to fight the urge to throw up.

Opening his eyes, he gasped as he saw his mother's body falling down onto the ground, seeming as though it was in slow motion. His eyes then traveled to the spot where the attacker was, but instead, no one was there, making Zelos believe that the attacker had fled.

All around him was blood. The sight, the smell, even the feel, as some of his mother's blood had landed onto his own body. He was frozen in shock, his eyes only able to stare at his dying mother, unable to say or do anything. He was even unaware that there were tears coming out of his eyes.

He watched as his mother was gasping for air, and he could tell that she was going to die right there, right in front of him. He stared intently at her as she used the last bit of her strength to angle her head so she was looking straight up at him. Drawing in her last breathe, she uttered the traumatizing words barely loud enough for him to hear, "You should never have been born," But to Zelos, it seemed like she had screamed it. Or like she was placing some sort of curse on him.

Zelos shivered, and it wasn't due to the cold sinking deeper into his skin, it was because of the memory he felt himself reliving, again and again. He tried to cease the shudders he felt running through his body, but he couldn't win against them.

"Zelos?" In some magical way, it seemed like merely hearing her voice made him feel calmer. Almost immediately, the only reason he began to shiver was due to the plummeting temperatures.

He angled his head so he could see Sheena out of the corner of his eye. She looked deeply worried, and her eyes held confusion in them. Though, he kind of knew that's what she would be feeling. He had no idea why he walked out here, especially after he had felt so happy, a happiness he never thought he would ever feel.

"You're closing yourself off again." He knew that was a statement, so he didn't question why she said that. He knew he was, too. But, he didn't know what the cause of it was.

"I know," He mumbled, not sure if Sheena was able to hear him. He turned his head away from her and stared out at the city once again, trying to fight off the memory that constantly haunted him.

He heard footsteps coming closer to him. He saw Sheena's feet next to his. Turning his head, he saw her take the same stance as he was in, staring out into the nothingness. Maybe she was trying to see whatever was holding his attention. Oh, how impossible that would be.

"Will you answer me if I ask you why?"

He was about to question what she meant by that, until it registered in his mind that she was referring to her previous question, "I don't know, Sheena. I really don't."

"Really?" She questioned.

"I'm being totally honest here." He could still see her frown. She was hesitant to believe him, and though Zelos had to admit in made him a little mad, he understood. He'd only just started being open with her, she had the right to question him on things. He tried to get her to look at him by joking, "Why would I lie pretty girl?" He had at least expected her to glare at him, or blush, but she didn't do anything, besides looking away from him.

"Sheena," He began in his absolutely serious voice, "I was really happy back there. Just calling me happy doesn't even begin to describe what I was feeling. I felt something I'd never felt before, something that I never want to have leave me."

Slowing, she turned to face him, her eyes understanding. When he was back in his room with her, he only thought that he was the one that enjoyed their short, but wonderful, kisses, but the look in her eyes showed that she felt the same way.

"I know what you mean." She agreed, making him smile a little. He'd almost forgot what it was like to smile naturally. He'd been so used to having a giant grin plastered onto his face or, more recently, not having any type of facial expression at all.

"I'm glad," He responded after a short moment of silence.

Her faced mirrored his, a smile forming onto her own face. He was tempted to say that she looked beautiful when she smiled, knowing that it would embarrass her, even though it wouldn't just be him flirting. He would say that in a completely serious tone, since that's what he truly believed. He had always thought that.

"So… has anything I've said to you have a positive affect on you?"

That was a good question, one that Zelos was unsure of the answer to.

"… I'd like to believe that you did, but I'm not sure."

"I see." She responded, the sadness evident in her voice.

"What I mean is, I don't feel like grabbing the closest sharp object to me." He quickly amended.

"For right now." Sheena mumbled.

"Sheena," He said, feeling uneasy.

"You're still hiding yourself from me. Yes, you have been open, and I hope that'll help you. However, I think there's something more to your mother's death that's tormenting you. I know that you blame yourself for her murder, but, there's got to be something more than just that."

"Sheena," He could only repeat her name, almost as though that was the only word he knew how to say.

"Please, tell me what else happened. I think it'll help."

"But, you're not sure. It could just hurt me more." He challenged.

"That's a good point. Though, we won't know unless you tell me."

After a moment of hesitation, he forced out, "It's all my fault that Seles ended up in that Abbey. She shouldn't be there, but since her mother was executed-"

"That's a lie."

He stared at her, stunned, "No it isn't." He said slowly.

"That's not what I meant. I knew that's what happened, I was able to figure that part out. I couldn't think of any other reason she would be there besides that. I know you feel guilty for that, I _know _that's how you feel, but I don't think that's what's truly bothering you."

That plan of his failed. Maybe, maybe he should just tell her the truth. Maybe it really would help him.

"My mother…" He tried to get the words to come out, but he couldn't. It was almost as if something was forcing him to keep his mouth shut.

"Yes? What about your mother, Zelos?" She urged, her voice full of kindness.

"She…" Maybe his mother had cursed him. He wanted to repeat the words his mother had said to him, but he couldn't. Maybe he was just meant to deal with this alone. "I can't, Sheena. I just… can't."

She sighed. He couldn't tell if she was going to continue to press the issue or not.

"I understand. Maybe it was wrong for me to try to force you to answer. I should just be patient and wait for you to tell me."

"I want to. It's not because I don't trust you enough, because I do trust you a lot, Sheena. I just… can't say."

She nodded, a small smile appearing on her face, "Will you ever tell me?" He could tell by the tone of her voice that she was only asking out of curiosity.

"I hope so. Like I said, I want to. And I'm not lying when I say that."

"I know, I can tell." She yawned, which caused him to chuckle.

"Is my hunny tired?"

"I guess she is."

"Where do you think Lloyd is?"

"That's a really good question." She replied thoughtfully, "Honestly, I don't know. Maybe downstairs. I guess I should go check."

"He'll be okay. He could've stumbled into one of the bedrooms downstairs and all ready be asleep."

"That's true. Now come on, it's late, I'm tired, and _I_ want to go to sleep."

"Sleeping on the floor again?" He asked, smirking, "That can't be very comfortable."

"It isn't. Would you try anything?"

"Me? Of course not." He scoffed, "Honestly Sheena, no, I wouldn't."

"I guess it wouldn't hurt me if I shared a bed with you. Though, I am glad you're not suggesting I sleep in another room."

"I all ready know you wouldn't. I didn't think about doing it anyway."

"Okay, so come on."

He grinned as she grabbed his wrist and led him back into his room.

_"You should never have been born."_

The grin disappeared from his face. Even when he was starting to believe he was getting better, he could still hear the voice. Even with Sheena next to him, would it still be impossible to get over that one event in his life? The one moment that changed him forever? He was starting to doubt Sheena's ability to help him, no matter how much he hoped that Sheena could help him.

He mentally prayed that his voluptuous hunny could keep his nightmares away. Because he knew that there was a very high chance he was going to be suffering from them tonight.

* * *

And there's chapter 11. I hope everyone liked it, and I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone if they were expecting more fluffiness in this chapter. Sorry, but I'm not a huge fan of overly fluffy stories. There's only a few of those I love.

Anyway, please review. I'd love to read whatever you have to say.


	12. Reunion

Here is chapter 12. Thanks to all of the readers and reviewers. You don't know how much your support of this fic means to me. And just a warning: Another character is going to show up, so I'll warn you that he or she may be OoC. Hope you won't mind too much.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia.

* * *

Chapter 12- Reunion

Sheena was pacing around Zelos's room, unable to contain her excitement. It was today. Finally. Hopefully, this could be vitally helpful in her plan to help Zelos recover from his past.

It was three days after their kiss. Neither of them brought it up, not because they were embarrassed about it or anything, it just wasn't mentioned in any of their conversations. Though, she had slept in the same bed as him for those other night. However, Zelos had indeed been right: He hadn't done anything to her.

Though, he wasn't aware of what happened during those nights.

He still suffered from his nightmares, but these weren't at all like that one she had seen him endure. Instead of yelling like he previously did, it almost seemed like he was merely suffering in silence.

Though his breathing was still irregular, he didn't call out. His eyebrows were always furrowed, and he would occasionally whimper and he would sometimes whisper something, most often apologies.

This kept Sheena up for most of the night. First, she would watch him fall asleep, then once she was sure that he was _peacefully _sleeping, she would allow herself to rest.

It's when his nightmares begin that she does something to help him.

She was usually awakened by his tossing and turning, or his mumbling, which would only grow in volume. When that happened, she'd sit up and watch him, stroking his hair or gently grabbing his hand in comfort. It was only after that when he'd fall back into a peaceful slumber again.

It was the nightmare that he had on the night that they kissed that made her think of her plan to help Zelos.

He kept mumbling, "I'm sorry," again and again. Sheena grabbed his hand and whispered comforting words to him, mainly telling him that he had done nothing wrong. She had a pretty good guess as to what his dream was about.

But no matter what she did or said, he continued to say that he was sorry to whoever he was talking to in his dream, most likely, Sheena guessed, his mother.

Sheena, getting slightly frustrated, sighed and asked why he was apologizing. When she asked that, he simply said, "I'm sorry that I was b-.", then stopped mid-sentence. His nightmare had abruptly ended. And when she asked what he dreamt about, he honestly replied that he didn't remember.

She wasn't sure what made her think of her plan, it was just suddenly thought up. She figured that if she couldn't get Zelos to open up fully, and that if Lloyd, too, was unsuccessful, she'd have to bring in someone who would, hopefully, have some sort of effect on him, preferably a positive effect.

So, that following morning, she told Lloyd what needed to be done and he willingly followed her instructions. He also believed that her plan should work. If it didn't, they weren't sure of what else they could do for him.

"Sheena?" Zelos said, bringing the ninja out of her thoughts, "What are you doing?"

"N-nothing," Sheena believed that he would ask more questions, but instead he only shrugged. Sheena couldn't tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"It's not snowing as much today." Zelos commented. Sheena tilted her head so that she, as well, was looking out the window. And he was right, the snow was falling at a light, but steady, speed.

"Maybe it'll end up being a good day."

Zelos snorted, "Doubt it."

"Don't act so pessimistic, Zelos. I have a feeling something good is going to happen today."

"You're hiding something from me, aren't you?"

Sheena couldn't fight the urge, "Maybe,"

"Come ooooooonn, Sheena. Tell me."

However, she could _easily _resist his poor attempt at whining, though, she couldn't quite suppress the chuckle that escaped her lips, "What? I don't know what's going to happen."

"Does my voluptuous hunny hate me or something?" Zelos asked, pouting.

"You know that's not true."

"Then tell me," His voice was beginning to lose its playful arguing tone, and was starting to sound agitated. Before Sheena could say anything, she could hear a faint knocking noise coming from downstairs.

"Stay here. Don't follow me. You'll find out soon."

Before he could protest, Sheena practically ran out of his room and flew down the stairs, only momentarily pausing in front of the door to regain her breathe.

After recomposing herself, she calmly opened the door, smiling as she saw who was looking back at her.

"Hello Seles." She said, trying to sound cheerful.

"Hello."

Sheena looked at the, she guessed, fifteen year old that was standing in front of Lloyd. She was fairly short, and still in the same clothes she wore when Sheena had last seen her in the abbey. Her eye color was close to Zelos's and even though most of her hair was hidden from view by a hat, the few strands you could see matched her brother's hair color.

Sheena and Seles weren't particularly close, nor exactly fond of one another, but Sheena knew that deep down, Seles truly cared about Zelos.

"Um, has Lloyd explained everything to you?" Sheena asked.

"Yes. He's told me about my Zelos," She replied.

"Good. So if he seems different-."

"I understand why he would act differently. You don't need to tell me anything else."

"All right," Sheena said with a fake smile. "Zelos! Come here!" She yelled up to him.

He wasn't expecting this. He _definitely _wasn't expecting this.

"S-Seles?" He asked quietly, almost believing that this was merely some hallucination or something.

She only nodded, which was good enough for him for now.

"How did you get out of the abbey?"

Grinning, Lloyd said, "I snuck her out. It was pretty hard, too."

"Why? Why did you come here?"

Before Seles could speak, Sheena whispered to Lloyd, barely loud enough for Zelos to hear, "Maybe we should leave them alone for right now."

Nodding, Lloyd walked back outside, Sheena following him after she waved at Zelos and gave him a small, hopeful smile.

"How have you been?" Zelos asked, figuring Seles might not answer his question. Part of him also feared the answer to his previous question.

"I've been fine."

"So, how's being out of that abbey?"

"It's… nice. Being here is a definite change."

Zelos was glad to hear that. It made him feel happy that Seles was enjoying being out in the open, regaining her freedom that had been taken away from her, even if it's only for a little while. Though, he also felt guilty. It was his fault that his younger sister had to lose her freedom.

"I'm amazed you wanted to come and see me. Since I know you're always fine by yourself and don't need me."

She blushed, which made him chuckle on the inside. "I got a chance to leave the abbey. I wasn't going to ignore it."

This made Zelos deflate a little. He was only able to mutter, "I see," before he began to feel worse than he had for the past couple of days. It seemed like he shouldn't of even hoped that she had wanted to see him. After all, why would she want to?

"How have you been doing?" Seles asked quietly.

"Has Sheena or Lloyd told you anything?"

"Yes, they've told me about what happened to you."

"Then you should all ready know the answer to that question." He concluded.

"What could possibly make you want to do that, Zelos?" Seles asked, her voice, even though Zelos was sure he imagined it, seemingly worried.

Knowing immediately what "it" was, he answered, "I don't know how many times I've been asked that."

"Have you told anyone why?"

"No." He said, slightly confused by the question.

"Then that's most likely why you've been asked multiple times."

He sighed, "It could be because I didn't feel like I was needed anymore. I never was needed. The only thing I was successful at was ruining lives."

"What do you mean?"

"You shouldn't need to ask me that, Seles. I mean, look at what happened to you. You hate me because I ruined your life. You should've been happy Seles, but instead, you got your life ruined by me!"

"You mean about…"

"Of course that's what I'm talking about. If it wasn't for me, your mother wouldn't have been executed. If it wasn't for me, my mother wouldn't of said…" He shook his head, not allowing himself to complete that sentence, "If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have been forced away from your mother and put into that damn abbey."

"You think I hate you?" She asked, sounding almost as though she was hurt.

"Why _wouldn't _you hate me, Seles? Look at what I did to your life."

"It's not your fault. You're my brother, I couldn't hate you."

"Seles," Zelos managed, at a complete lost for words.

"I've never hated you for what happened. It was my mother's choice to try and kill you. Of course, I'm sad that she was killed, but, I'm also happy that you weren't killed."

"I… had no idea."

"So, don't you ever think that I hate you, brother. Because, I could **never **hate you."

Zelos watched as she bowed her head, her shoulders beginning to quivering. She sobbed only a couple of times, but no tears came out of her eyes.

He couldn't recall a time where he had seen her cry. Maybe she had once or twice in their childhood, but never over something extreme like this. Though her words were so great to hear, he wasn't happy with the fact that his sister was crying.

"Don't cry, Seles." He said.

"But, what if this was partially my fault?"

"Don't blame yourself." The words felt weird as they exited his mouth. It was almost as if the roles had been reversed. "Hearing you say what you said, about how you don't hate me, it's nice to hear. So, no crying, okay? That'll make me feel worse."

Quickly, her sobs subsided and her tears ceased. The only evidence that she had been crying was that her eyes were a little red and she shoulders still shook.

"I think I have to go now. I bet I'll be in trouble for leaving." Zelos was about to apologize to her, but she interrupted him, "But, I'm glad that I came."

"I'll visit you soon. I promise."

"Okay. I'll be waiting."

Zelos was surprised by Seles practically jumping at him and hugging him. It gave him a warm feeling, something that could only be given by a family member. He never realized how much he had missed Seles until now.

But before he could reciprocate the hug, she released him and, after a quick good-bye, walked out of the house.

Zelos was disappointed by her hasty departure, but knew that Sheena was probably going to walk in soon, curious about what they had talked about.

_Unless she was just listening to us outside. _He thought, smirking slightly.

His reunion Seles was great, and most importantly, it added to the hope that Sheena was giving and made him believe that maybe, just maybe, he could finally move on with his life.

* * *

And there's that chapter. For some weird reason, I don't really like it. But, I don't know how to make it so I would like it. So, hopefully YOU like it, because that's the most important thing.

Please review. It would be great if you would.


	13. Couple

This chapter took a little longer for me to write since I've been away from my computer this week. And when I finally was able to write, I couldn't think of how to continue when I got close to the middle part of this chapter.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this new chapter.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, Tales of Symphonia doesn't belong to me.

* * *

Chapter 13- Couple

Sheena watched as Lloyd flew off on a Rheaird with Seles, making their way back to the abbey and hopefully nobody had noticed Seles's disappearance.

She silently noted to herself when Seles had walked out of the Wilder mansion that her eyes looked noticeably redder, most likely from crying. Sheena could only hope that she was crying for a good reason, and that Zelos hadn't reduced her to tears, like how Sheena had ended up a few nights ago because of Zelos.

No, Seles didn't seem upset when she left. She seemed almost… happy. Something good had to have come from her visit. Now it was her job to see exactly what had happened.

Sheena opened the door and stepped inside, almost walking into Zelos who had positioned himself almost directly in front of the door. Looks like he knew she would coming in soon.

"So, how was it? How was seeing your sister?"

"Better than I thought it would be."

"Why's that?"

Honestly, Sheena had not been expecting a response like that. She was waiting for either a "It was good," or a "I made her cry,". Though, she didn't really know what kind of answers she would get from him no matter what the topic was about.

He remained quiet for a little while, his face set into a peaceful and thoughtful expression. She wouldn't push him to talk. Sheena could tell that he was only searching for the words, and not an excuse to use to avoid the question.

"Well… She doesn't hate me."

"See, I told you your sister cares about you." That had to explain it. That had to be the cause of Seles's puffy eyes.

"And, I was really happy when she explained what she thought and how she felt towards me. It made me feel that same kind of feeling that I felt when you kissed me."

Sheena felt her face heat up slightly, but Zelos wasn't focused on her well enough to notice, "But, the thing is, I only felt like that for a few seconds. Now… I don't really know what I feel anymore."

"You're kind of confusing me." Sheena replied truthfully.

"Don't worry, you're not the only one who feels that way." Zelos smirked, "As soon as Seles left, the only thing I could feel within me was… hope, I guess. It's still there, but, basically, I just feel exactly how I felt before she showed up."

"I don't know what to say."

"Maybe Seles couldn't do anything for me."

Deciding not to comment on that, Sheena chose to bring up a topic that might make Zelos a little more happy, "Have you looked outside lately?"

Receiving a quick shake of his head, Sheena smiled and said, "It's not snowing."

Sheena watched as his eyes started to shine in disbelief. Turning his head to look directly at her, Sheena merely motioned for him to step outside and see for himself.

Looking like he could barely contain his excitement, Zelos rushed towards the door and flung it open. Sheena chuckled at his startled gasp.

"It really isn't snowing!" He exclaimed, turning his head to look back at her.

"I told you today was going to be a good day."

"Well, you should say that more often!" Zelos was grinning now.

"Come on, stop gawking at the city. I'm going to go for a walk, and I want you to join me. Some fresh air might help you, especially since there's no snow falling from the sky." She joked.

After getting Zelos to agree to go on a walk, the two began their stroll around the different sections of Meltokio, the only sound that could be heard was the crunching of the snow under their feet.

There was a question that Sheena wished to ask Zelos, but she wasn't sure what would happen if she asked it. She wanted to know about what their relationship meant now. The kisses that they shared had to of meant something, and whether they did or did not, they had altered their relationship in some way.

Well, the only way to find out was to ask.

"Zelos." Sheena said, getting Zelos's attention.

"What is it?"

The ninja gulped before asking her question, "What are we?"

Zelos's expression was one of pure confusion, "Um… What do you mean? What you just asked was a little… surprising."

Sighing heavily, Sheena replied, "I mean… what am I to you? I guess what I'm trying to ask is how you think of me or how close to me you feel." Growling quietly in frustration, Sheena yelled, "I don't know what the hell I mean!"

"It's a good thing I do." Zelos commented, calming the brown eyed girl.

"You do?"

"I think I do. We kissed, and you're wondering if that meant anything to me, or if they were just kisses and nothing more."

She gave a silent nod. That sounded about right. Though, she did find it a little amazing that the man next to her could figure her thoughts out. Looks like he really did know her.

Zelos looked up at the blue sky, his expression thoughtful. Sheena could tell that he was trying to sort out his thoughts and say what he truly felt, instead of saying the wrong thing accidentally.

"I really do care about you, Sheena. And… this is very hard to describe."

"I know. I care about you, too." She assured him.

"Is that why you've been by my side for about a week?" He asked sarcastically.

"Even when we're talking about something like this, you still have to add in a sarcastic remark?"

"I don't think I'd be me if I didn't say something sarcastic."

"You really can't handle having a serious conversation for very long, can you?"

Zelos changed his grin into a smirk before replying, "Would you rather I kiss you again?" The grin appeared on his face.

"How about I just slap you?" She shot back, though her voice was light and her threat was obviously a lie.

"Aww, don't be like this, my banshee."

Sheena rolled her eyes, "Have you ever thought that I didn't care about you?" She asked, wishing to return to their previous conversation.

"At first, I didn't think you did. I thought I even told you that I thought you didn't care."

"I figured you were saying that to push me away. So it was true?"

"Yeah. But, I realize now that you really do care. Why else would you stay with me if you didn't?"

"That's a good point,"

"But… why do you care, Sheena? If you had to pick someone to worry and care about, why would you pick me?"

"I've never hated you, Zelos. No matter what you may think, I have never felt that way about you. And… I don't know how to describe the way I feel in words,"

She hesitantly grabbed his hand, pulling him to a stop. She stepped in front of him, and looked into his eyes, which looked brighter than they had in a very long time.

"I guess I should say what I truly feel, huh? I…" She inhaled a calming breathe before finishing her sentence. She had no idea that saying this phrase was so hard. Maybe it was because she had never felt this way about another person before.

"I love you, Zelos." She said quietly, while slowly wrapping her arms around him.

_He's still too skinny. _She thought wryly.

She wasn't looking at his face, so she was unaware of what his expression was. But, she could just tell that his eyes were widened in surprise and, hopefully, happiness.

His arms wrapped around her body, the side of his face resting on top of her head.

"I l-love you, too, Sheena." She could barely hear his whisper. She released a breathe of relief, unaware she was even holding it in. She was afraid that he wouldn't return her feelings, and that the confession she struggled to say would not be returned.

"I guess I figured out what I am to you." Sheena said chuckling.

"I guess you're right."

"I'm happy that you feel the same way that I do."

"So, are we a… couple?"

"I think so. I mean, unless you don't want to be." She joked.

Sheena felt her hair being ruffled as he shook his head hurriedly.

"No, no, I'm fine with being a couple!" She could tell that he meant for that statement to be a sarcastic one, though his voice was thinly laced with desperation. No matter how little it was, Sheena could easily pick it up.

They let go of one another, a seemingly awkward silence hanging in the air. Sheena observed that Zelos was fidgeting nervously. What was wrong now?

"Is something the matter, Zelos?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing. I'm fine."

She couldn't hide her frown. He couldn't be doing this, not now. He couldn't continue to hide within himself. If she was opening herself up to have a relationship with him, he couldn't just withdraw whenever he felt like it.

"Zelos, like I said before, I love you," She couldn't believe how easy it was for her to say _now_. Maybe it was because the man that she felt this feeling for returned it. "And, I want to with you. I know this is hard, but please, tell me what happened to you."

His body tensed up and Sheena was positive that he was going to yell at her. Pressing her luck, she continued, "I need you to trust me, Zelos. If you love me, you _have _to trust me. You've helped me get past my tragic past, and I'm absolutely grateful for it, but you have to let _me _help _you_."

The sky was growing darker, just like Zelos's eyes.

"Do you really want to know what happened?" His voice was flat and monotone.

Sheena couldn't suppress a gasp. Did he really just ask her that?

"Yes, of course I do."

"I guess you're right. I've kept this from you for way too long. Let's go back home. Then I'll tell you everything."

Before Sheena could say anything, Zelos started walking. He was taking extremely long strides, making Sheena have to jog to keep up.

What was going on? Why did it seem like he was in a rush to get home? Did he truly want to tell her everything? Things were beginning to confuse Sheena even more.

She was startled by Zelos's stop. Almost crashing into him, she forced her legs to stop moving as she watched him unlock the door to his mansion.

Once inside, she followed Zelos into his room. When the two of them were relaxing on his bed, Sheena asked, "What's wrong with you now?"

"I thought you said you wanted to know the truth about me." His tone sounded almost impatient.

"I do. But, you're acting differently. It's strange."

Forcing himself to calm down, he whispered, "I want to tell you. You need to know. And… I just want to get it over with."

Nodding, she mentally decided that his reason did make sense.

"I understand. Please, tell me about what happened to you." She knew it would be hard for him, but she needed to know and Zelos probably needed to tell someone. If they were to be a couple, then he would have to tell her this. And she could tell that he understood this, too.

A small smirk appeared on his face, "I hope you're not expecting a happy story. Because, this definitely isn't one."

"I know. I'm prepared."

"Well, I guess I better started, huh?"

* * *

Am I evil for doing this to you? I think I am. I just wish to say that I hope I'm not making this story worse. My review number has been dropping over the last two chapters, so I hope my writing quality or what how the story is progressing isn't getting bad.

So, please review. Even if it's to complain. Anything to help my write this story would be appreciated, and I love reading compliments!

I'll update, hopefully, soon.


	14. Meaning

Thanks for all of the reviews I received last chapter. I hope that all of the readers and reviewers enjoy this chapter, and I hope I don't disappoint any of you.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the Tales of Symphonia universe.

* * *

Chapter 14- Meaning

"So, how much did I tell you again?" Zelos questioned.

"You told me that Seles's mother killed your own. And that the only reason she died was because she was protecting you."

"Okay."

"And now I get to hear the rest?" Sheena asked.

"Unless you don't want to." Zelos grinned.

Sheena merely rolled her eyes, "Come on, Zelos. Please tell me."

Zelos pushed back his joking personality, along with every other emotion he had, and sighed, "When Seles's mother sent a magic blast at me, all I could see was a blinding flash, so bright that I had to close my eyes," Zelos began, his voice becoming emotionless and monotone.

Zelos watched Sheena nod, then he closed his eyes, seeing that same magical light in his mind. He continued, "Then, I heard the sound of that attack hitting something, and for a moment I thought it hit me. I couldn't feel anything, so I first thought I was dead.

"But then, I opened my eyes, and… there was blood." He began shaking, his eyes clouding as the memory started replaying bits and pieces of itself. Still, he pressed on, "The blood fell onto the ground with the snow, and it mixed together on the ground. It also covered my body. But, what I was mostly staring at was my mother's body, falling onto the ground. It seemed like time slowed down.

"I could hear her gasping for air, and though I was practically paralyzed with shock, I knew she was dying, and would probably die right in front of me."

He paused, trying to calm his shudders, while at the same time push back the tears that threatened to fall. He was positive that he was going to break down right there, but, Zelos found surprising, Sheena wrapped her hand around his, and he found the motivation to continue.

But before he could, Sheena spoke for the first time and asked, "Did you know at the time that it was Seles's mother?"

"No, I found out later."

Sheena nodded, silently giving Zelos permission to keep going. Giving a shaky breathe, he said, "I watched as she turned her head so she could look up at me. The blood that was flowing out of her was slowing down, so I knew she would die pretty soon. Inhaling what would be her last breathe, she said to me…"

That was it, he had used every bit of his strength to say what had happened, but he still couldn't bring himself to tell Sheena what his mother had said. Was he afraid that Sheena would agree? No, he understood the ninja's feelings, and his sense of insecurity wasn't that great. What could be causing his fear about this?

He was brought out of his reverie by two arms wrapping around his body. He looked at the top of Sheena's head, listening intently to hear as she whispered, "Please keep going, Zelos. What did she tell you?

"I can't say, Sheena." He whispered back, his tone becoming apologetic. He was unable to stop the emotions that rushed back at him. He knew he was going to break down soon. He was aware that he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer.

Though she didn't release him, she angled her head so that she was staring up at his eyes, "Yes you can. You can say it. I know you can."

Looking into her loving brown eyes, he found the motivation to say the words his mother had etched into him, though he was unable to stop the few tears that slid down his face.

"She told me that… that I shouldn't of been born."

And with that, he lost the strength to keep the memory away completely. It hit him, and it hit him with so much force that the only thing he was able to do was bury his face into the crook of Sheena's neck and cling to her with a desperation he had never experienced before. It was almost like he could shatter if he had to let her go.

* * *

Sheena gasped, one reason was because of Zelos's arms holding her like she was the only thing keeping him alive, the other was because of what Zelos had said, or rather, what his mother had told him.

He couldn't believe it. What kind of mother could ever tell her child that? True, she wasn't raised by her mother, but she still couldn't imagine Zelos having to hear those words from his own mother.

All this time, Zelos was burdened by the fact that his mother, the woman that gave birth to him, didn't want him to exist. All this time, Zelos was _trying _to live while constantly remembering those words.

All this time, there had been so much pain and suffering within Zelos, and nobody had even noticed it.

Tears that Sheena had held back while listening to Zelos's story had, against her will, leaked out from her eyes. Listening to that made her feel even more guilty. How could she not have seen all of his pain? Why was it so unnoticeable?

Sheena was surpirsed that he wasn't crying. His breathing was erratic, and she began rubbing his back, hoping that it might calm him down. At the same time, she was trying to figure out what to say to console him.

How could her words compete against his mother's? Could she help him? She believed that she could, and wanted nothing more than to help him, but the idea of how to help eluded her.

Sheena wasn't sure if it was minutes or hours later, but after a while, Zelos spoke in a calm, thought slightly hoarse, voice, "I bet you think I'm pathetic, huh?"

Shaking her head furiously, Sheena responded, "Of course I don't. I just… I can't believe that she said that to you. I had no idea that something like that happened to you."

"Well, it did happen."

"And, you had to deal with that all your life? All alone?"

Sheena felt Zelos nod, making a couple for stray tears fall from her eyes.

Sighing sadly, she spoke, "A-and that's why you tried to kill yourself? Because of that?"

"Y-yeah." Zelos whispered.

Sheena was still so confused. She had no thoughts on how to make him feel better.

"And you haven't told anyone about what she said. Not even Sebastian or your sister?"

He shook his head, answering, "I thought about telling Seles. I think I almost did. But, I just couldn't. I didn't want her to know. And for Sebastian, I couldn't tell him. He practically raised me, I didn't want him worrying about that, too."

Shaking her head, Sheena replied, "You should have told someone, Zelos. You shouldn't of had to suffer like that through your entire life."

"I know." He agreed quietly.

"How do you feel?"

"I don't really know."

"How did you have the courage to tell me?" Sheena asked.

"I don't know that, either."

They fell into silence, while Zelos took himself out of her hold. Though it was dark in his room, Sheena could see his eyes glistening with tears, tears that didn't appear like they would be released soon.

"Even though you're here with me," He spoke, making Sheena jump with surprise, "I just feel so empty, Sheena."

She gasped, "Why do you feel like that?"

Shrugging, Zelos answered, "I have no idea."

Once again lapsing into their familiar silence, Sheena pondered about what Zelos had just told her. Suddenly, she came up with an idea, but was unsure as to whether or not it could actually help him.

Maybe Sheena just had to tell him what she truly thought, and say it in a way that would make Zelos believe it.

"If I told you your mother was wrong, what would you say?"

She looked directly at him and watched as his eyes widened, shock evident on his face.

"What are you talking about?" He questioned.

"If I believed what your mother had said, would I really have stayed with you? Would I constantly worry about you if I agreed with your mother? Do you think I would try and make you feel happiness if I thought your mother was right?"

Zelos looked as though he was about to say something, but Sheena continued, "Your mother was wrong, Zelos. You do deserve to live. If you weren't born, I would never have met you. And Lloyd and everyone wouldn't have, either. Sebastian and Seles wouldn't be how they are today if it wasn't for you."

Tentatively taking his hands in her own, Sheena whispered, "You've affected our lives so much, Zelos. And, I couldn't imagine living without you. You were such a close friend of mine long ago, and now, you mean even more to me now."

"Do you… really mean that?" Zelos asked hesitantly.

"Of course. Zelos Wilder, your life has meaning to me and every other person that's close to you. So, please, don't try and throw it away again. Promise me."

Another couple of tears were freed from his eyes as he murmured, "I promise."

"I don't know if you'd want to hear this, but I have an idea as to why your mother said what she said to you all those years ago."

"Why?" Zelos asked.

"I think it was just her way of making you miserable for the rest of your life. She blamed you for all of her problems, most likely even for her death."

"I know she does."

"Let me finish! It was also her choice to protect you, it was her choice to allow herself to be killed. So, I think that she said that to you so you'd suffer for the rest of your life. Those words have caused you so much pain, haven't they?"

Not waiting for an answer, Sheena stretched forward and planted a short kiss on his cheek, while whispering to him, "Please let me help you take the pain away."

Not giving a verbal response, Zelos allowed Sheena to wrap her arms around him once more, while he gave into the tears that, Sheena imagined, he had held in for far too long.

He cried for, most likely, many hours, but Sheena thought that maybe, just maybe, this was his first step towards truly moving on.

* * *

The next chapter will come soon, hopefully. It may not be as long as the rest of them, since I'm planning on it being an epilogue-like chapter. Yes, that means that the next chapter will be the last.

Anyway, please review. It might help me with the last chapter.


	15. The next morning

I'm turning 15 in two days (Sunday, May 4, if anyone cares) and I figured that posting the final chapter of my first story would be the best early birthday present, though, now that I think about it, some reviews might be nice, too.

Anyway, I hope that this won't be a disappointment to anyone. This was really hard to write because I had no idea about how to end this properly. So, I hope that everyone enjoys this. Without further delay, here's the last chapter of _Meaning_!

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia.

* * *

Chapter 15- The next morning

Blinking slowly, Zelos opened his eyes, then quickly closed them to block out the sunlight that was penetrating his room.

_Wait_, he thought, _sunlight?_

Sure enough, he noted, as he turned his head so he was facing his window, the snow wasn't falling and the sun hadn't disappeared again.

He was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of a yawn. Looking up, he saw Sheena who looked like she, too, was beginning to wake up. Zelos realized that he had fallen asleep on her lap and was amazed that his beloved banshee managed to sleep like that.

"Good morning." Zelos said, watching as Sheena's eyes quickly opened and as they focused their attention onto him.

"You sound surprisingly cheerful today." Sheena remarked, rubbing her eyes.

Though it wasn't huge, Zelos showed his most recent genuine smile and replied, "It's not snowing,"

Sheena's expression mirrored his own as she turned her attention to the window for a moment, "I never knew how much I'd miss the sun,"

As soon as Sheena turned around to look at Zelos, he questioned, "What's wrong?" Her eyes were filled with concern and her smile had transformed into a frown.

"Are you… really okay?" She asked, her voice laced with worry.

Before Zelos could say anything, the events that had occurred the previous night came rushing back to him.

"Oh, I get it." He mumbled to himself. He understood her distress.

He wrapped his arms around her small waist and pulled her to his chest, whispering into her ear, "I don't feel the best." He paused briefly, then concluded, "But, hopefully, I'll feel better in a little while."

"Are you sure?" She asked, tilting her head so she could look at him.

"Positive. I don't know if I'll ever be perfect, but I think that I'll be as close to perfect as I can be, in time,"

"That's great to hear,"

He was being absolutely honest. He wasn't hiding his pain anymore and, truthfully, he thought it would be impossible to try. The mask that he had worn practically his entire life had been violently shattered last night, and would take forever to reconstruct. Personally, Zelos didn't even feel like trying.

"Thank you Sheena." Zelos whispered, almost believing that the ninja didn't hear.

"For what?" She asked.

"I guess… for not giving up on me, even though that's what I wanted you to do in the beginning."

"I told you, I wasn't going to walk away from you."

"And I'm thankful for that."

They fell into a comfortable silence. Zelos was just beginning to doze off again but Sheena shook his shoulder.

"Come on, I want to go downstairs. I wonder if Lloyd's come back yet." Sheena wondered.

Shrugging, Zelos sat up and stretched, "Are you _sure _you don't have a crush on Lloyd?"

Blushing, Sheena stammered, "O-of course I don't. Why do you even need to ask that?!"

"Hey, hey, relax, Sheena! If I'm going to be in a relationship with you, I need to make sure of this!"

Sheena glared at him for a few seconds, then she was unable to control her chuckles.

"You're still going to have that sense of humor of yours, aren't you?"

"What can I say, it's a part of me." Zelos replied.

That was true as well. He wouldn't use it to avoid what he was feeling, but there would be times where he would be unable to help the remarks or suggestive smirks from coming out. He was just too used to it. And sometimes, they could make his favorite girl laugh.

"Sheena?" He waited until she had stopped laughing and was looking at him to continue, "I have to ask you something. Everything you said that you felt about me… it's true, right? You didn't just say those things to help me, did you?"

Zelos couldn't control the feeling of insecurity that plagued him. It was just there and he couldn't stop it. He needed to hear it once again. He needed to hear that her feelings were real.

Shaking her head and sighing, Sheena answered, "I wouldn't do that to you. You've all ready been tortured by one lie in your life, I couldn't make you live with another one. Zelos, what I feel for you is real. Please, believe that."

He could tell by the passion in her voice that she was being honest. He shook his head, trying to banish all doubt that he had towards her feelings.

"I'm sorry for doubting you… again." He apologized.

"Don't worry about it," She reassured, "I understand. But, can you answer my question?"

Zelos nodded, silently telling Sheena to continue. Hesitantly, she asked, "You won't cut yourself again, will you?"

It was Zelos's turn to sigh. After giving himself a moment to figure out how to answer that question, he began, "I'll be honest with you. There will probably be times when I'm going to _want _to. And I'll try my hardest to ignore those urges. I'm going to try not to screw up, but I think there's the smallest chance that I might. But… I realize that I've got you, so I shouldn't _need _to do that to myself. Not anymore."

Zelos closed the distance between them and grabbed her hand. He brought it up to his face and pressed it against his lips, "That's my answer."

A small blush crept onto Sheena's face when she spoke, "Okay. Thanks for being honest. I know it's going to be difficult for you."

"Come on," Zelos spoke after a few minutes, "Let's go downstairs now. I think I'm actually hungry."

Smiling, Sheena answered, "That's good to hear."

Sheena started walking as Zelos followed her, their fingers intertwined. Before they exited his room, Zelos glanced out the window one more time, watching as even more sunlight started to shine into his dark room.

Maybe the ongoing blizzard that Meltokio was suffering from was now over. Maybe the coldness that had hit the city would soon vanish with the recent appearance of the sun. Maybe the same coldness that had affected Zelos's heart would also vanish now that Sheena Fujibayashi was, hopefully, a permanent part of his life now.

He had hope, hope that the snow wouldn't cause him as much grief and suffering as it used to now that she was here. Though he figured she wouldn't be able to take _all _of the pain away, she at least gave him a reason to live.

And now, he prayed that he would finally be able to feel happiness. He hoped that he would finally be able to care about someone, and that he could be loved by someone. However, he found it foolish that he was _hoping _for that. He shouldn't have to.

He was holding the hand of the girl who was in love with him, the girl that he felt the same exact feelings for. And he knew that the love that they shared wasn't going to disappear, not when it was so new.

* * *

Like I said, I hope that this wasn't disappointing. I tried my hardest to give a nice ending, but I couldn't figure out how to make it so I'd like it. I think I had three different ideas, but I decided that this one was the best.

And now, I would just like to give one big thank you to everyone who has liked reading this story. I love each of my reviewers, since reading each of them helped me out when I was suffering from writers block. You have no idea how helpful you were.

And now, I'd like to inform that I, unfortunately, have no new ideas for what to write next, so if anyone has an idea, please let me know. You could PM me or write one in the review. Just as long as it's something I like and it's a pairing I like, I could give it a try.

Once more, thanks to all of my reviewers!

_Riku-Aura777_


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